Sunday, June 28, 2015

The Daily Carlo: More good news! Andrew Bolt is back on form railing at marriage equality!!!

Here at the Daily Carlo, it is almost as if we (there is no shame in a royal "we" when you are as successful and talented a blogger as we are) have been bitten by some sort of "optimist bug" because, rarely, this is the second blog post in a row to be about good news!

There seems a rare outbreak of good news, whether it is finding the existence of some new songs by Texas-based country singer Hayes Carll songs on YouTube or discovering that Murdoch journalist, culture warrior and convicted racist Andrew Bolt is back on form railing wildly about the "tyranny" of the June 26 United States Supreme Court decision that ruled in favour of same-sex marriages!

This is reassuring, as I was getting worried about the poor bastard. After the historic referendum in the Irish republic in May that voted in favour of marriage equality, a clearly demoralised Bolt wrote: "The battle for same-sex marriage has been won ...  In 2004, Newspoll showed only one-third of Australians backed same-sex marriage. In 2014, it was twice as many and I suspect support has grown since."

Describing himself as a "sceptic" about allowing full equality between heterosexual and same-sex marriages -- still explicitly banned in this country thanks to a 2004 law passed under John Howard -- Bolt said that "the Yes vote in Catholic Ireland last week broke the back of any real resistance here, too".

But the arch-conservative has got his mojo back, which is just as well, as it is Written that one of the Final Signs Of The Coming Of The Apocalypse is when "a Tabloid Hack shalt cease opposing Equality, Progress and Things That Make People Happy Without Having Any Impact On Others" and so I'd begun stocking up on canned food.

He's back on form!

Now, all is as it should be. In the gloriously titled "A tyranny of judges forces same-sex marriage on US voters", Bolt hits out strongly at those five oppressive judges who voted to "invent the right to same-sex marriage" despite the fact this runs "in direct opposition to the expressed views of voters in several states".

Of course, if we wanted to be picky, we could point out that it would seem Bolt is being a little selective in his defence of popular opinion, seeing as US polls have consistently shown majority support for marriage equality since 2010.

But in his deeply reassuring rant, Bolt approves of the "magnificent dissenting judgement" of Justice Samuel Alito, who noted: "At present, no one—including social scientists, philosophers, and historians—can predict with any certainty what the long-term ramifications of widespread acceptance of same-sex marriage will be."

And indeed the ramifications could be anything. Society could collapse. The Earth could open up and swallow us whole. The Giant Evil Squid Monster From The Deepest Ocean, renown for its homophobic views, could be reawoken after a 10,000-year sleep and devour us all.

Or, and this is just one of the many options, gay people could, if they so choose, have their relationships officially recognised as marriages on the same equal footing as straight marriages. It is really very hard to tell.






Oh, and here you go, here is a totally unrelated song by Gossip.

'Standing in the way of control, we live our lives...'

Friday, June 26, 2015

The Daily Carlo: Things seem bleak, but there is good news! There are new Hayes Carll songs!

Yeah the world is a dark place. God only knows, my last Daily Carlo explained that in this country perfectly well, for those of you paying some kind of attention to anything I rant about.

Let alone the goddamn world, with the horrors of climate change-related extreme weather killing thousands on the subcontinent, the horrors of endless imperialist-inspired violence in the Middle East and beyond and the fact this year has already seen one new Mumford and Sons album so far.

But you know what? There is hope. Good things can happen. Like, for instance, the historic US Supreme Court ruling legalising marriage equality in all US states or the fact that I have just discovered a whole new YouTube clip of an entire Hayes Carll show featuring a handful of new songs!!!

Just one of the good things that has happened.

Yes, desperate for a reason not to launch myself out of my window, I turned, as I so often do, to YouTube clips of songs by the great, widely-lauded Texas country singer Hayes Carll... and I discovered an entire show from a Houston bar on the night before Thanksgiving last year had been uploaded... nearly an hour-and-a-half long!

And, as you might expect from a man who last released an album in 2011, it features several new songs! YAR!!! AWESOME!!! And also, it features a great, and surprising, performance from one of the first songs Hayes Carll ever wrote and recorded, the glorious Easy Come and Easy Go, as it had been requested by a couple of people before the show.


It also features some great Hayes Carll story telling along the way and you can WATCH AND HEAR THE WHOLE THING HERE!

New Hayes Carll songs! 

But perhaps, for some reason, you don't really want to spend an hour-and-a-half listening to some slovenly dressed, shaggy, bearded country singer from Houston with no introduction to the man. So why does such a long show by Hayes Carll matter? Well christ knows where to even start, it could be anywhere... like all good singer-songwriters.

Sometimes all you can ask of a song is it breaks your heart, in one clinical, surgical strike, so as to save you the effort of getting it broken yourself. Hayes is one of those who kindly saves you the effort.

I love what he does so much I think that, all things considered, I'd like to die and be reincarnated as Hayes Carll. I'm tempted to give the whole death thing a go just on the off-chance it might work.

I won't even trouble you with the gloriously amusing She Left Me For Jesus, I'll just point you to these three tracks:

I saw you leanin' on a memory
With your back turned to the crowd
In that little bar on Murphy
Where they play guitar too loud
There were people drinkin' whiskey
There were hearts about to leave
It was cold as hell for Houston
It was almost New Years Eve

I'm gonna leave these blues behind
For some other fool to find
He don't care and I won't mind
Hide me, babe, hide me, babe

Everybody knows it's a hard time
Livin' on the minimum wage
Ah, some people just gunna sneak on through
Others gotta rattle that cage...

And below is a whole series of Hayes Carll songs all in a row live!!

Awesome. Don't thank me, just buy me a beer. Seriously. DO IT! DO IT VIA THE PAY PAL DONATE BUTTON ON THE RIGHT OF THIS BLOG!

Thursday, June 25, 2015

The Daily Carlo: Well Jesus fuck, the week this country has had... let's just have a *nice song*

Christ almighty. I mean... christ. This fucking country. This fucking week. 

On top of everything else like the torturing of children in jails and like children in jails is horrific enough, especially when you consider how unspeakable the jails are, and the ongoing genocide against Aboriginal people with huge incarceration rates and the fucking fact that you can fucking kill workers, in the 21st century, you can be responsible for the death of building workers on your site and when the workers protest your fucking responsibility, when they say for god's sake let's improve safety.... the trade union involved gets fined $3.5 million... and the employer? NOTHING! NOT A FUCKING THING THEY CAN JUST KILL WORKERS WITH FUCKING IMPUNITY!!!


Because THIS WEEK  a man found not guilty of terrorism dared asked a fucking elected politician a question of some fucking TV show apparently set up for that very purpose of having members of the public ask questions... and THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT USED IT AS AN EXCUSE TO SEEK TO SMASH THE ABC, WHICH IS SO COWARDLY IT GOT ON ITS KNEES TO BEG FOR MERCY ONLY THERE WAS NO MERCY COZ ABBOTT SMELLED BLOOD SO HE CALLED A PRESS CONFERENCE WITH *TEN* FLAGS!!! YES TEN!!! A RECORD!!! AND HE SAYS "HEADS WILL ROLL!!!"

Because, as our prime minster asked the supposedly independent national broadcaster... "Which side are you on?"

And why? Because of a perfectly obvious point that severe attacks on the Muslim community, including the destruction of the rule of law, would likely lead to more radicalisation among young Muslims.

And the man who was asked the question was Liberal MP Steve Ciobo -- a member of the government, you know those in power. And he said, on national TV that he would be happy to see the questioner deported! Like thrown from the country!

Why was this such a fucking scandal? Because he was once accused and then acquitted of terrorism-related charges and dared ask him a question he didn't like! And the scandal for the government and the Murdoch press is the bloke got to ASK A QUESTION!!! And this man, this elected MP, is on record as saying the previous prime minster should have had her throat cut!!!

The Murdoch press, arguably, went a bit nuts with this "scandal".

But unlike some they were willing to ask the hard questions:

AAARGHH JESUS FUCK! Now an inquiry in the ABC to smash them up a bit further. On top of the most insane laws stripped people of the most basic democratic rights.  And this is barely scratching the surface really. This is just all I can think of in a stream of consciousness rant fuelled by cheap cider.

So I think we need this song. We specifically need glorious country folk husband-and-wife duo Shovels and Rope singing it. We need their glorious version of Nick Lowe's classic song. So play it. For christ's sake play it. PLAY IT!

'As I walk through this wicked world... searching for light in the darkest of insanity...' And no. I don't care if you think I am a fucking bleeding heart hippy. FUCK YOU.

(What's So Funny About) Peace Love And Understanding
As I walk through
This wicked world
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity.
I ask myself
Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?
And each time I feel like this inside,
There's one thing I wanna know:
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?
And as I walked on
Through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes
So where are the strong
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony.
'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry.
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?
So where are the strong?
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony.
'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry.
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?

Yeah. So FUCK YOU. I hate you all. Just listen to the song. Why can't you all be more like Shovels and Rope's Cary-Ann Heart and  Michael Trent, you goddamn arseholes?

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Daily Carlo: Things I learned from visiting NSW Parliament today.

In today's Daily Carlo, I will share two things I learned by going into the horrible depths of NSW Parliament House tonight at Macquarie Street... that I am going to put *on my blog* despite having put it on Facebook because I have decided that fuck it. FUCK IT. I AM GOING TO START USING MY BLOG TO *MICRO BLOG* AND JUST PUT UP RANDOM SHIT!!! COZ I CAN!!! FUCK YOU!!!

NSW parliament is not like other parliaments I have visited. the WA parliament is no where near as "historic", "prestigious" and "fucking pompous" as this building. SA parliament? Don't joke. The ACT Legislative Assembly is a fucking B-grade , all-plastic convention centre compared to this. Not even the federal parliament feels as "steeped in history"/pompous crap" as the NSW Parliament.

And these are the lessons of my visit to the place:

1) the security police are *much* friendly, nicer and happily jokey than they are when you have to go to court.

2) The fucking beer is reasonably priced in the parliamentary bar. Like I mean $5 for a fancy fucking over-hopped pale ale craft beer that, anywhere else, with that amount of suits and soulless bar atmosphere, would surely cost like $8 or $9. I mean you can barely get a fucking schooner of VB or Toohey's New anywhere in this state for five bucks these days. WE ARE PAYING FOR THESE GODDAMN HACKS TO DRINK REASONABLY PRICED BEER! IT IS AN OUTRAGE!!!

3) Well... I'll get to that.

To expand on point one... at least I *got dressed up for fucking court*. You would think they would give you *some* respect! But no... cold, mechanical, harsh, soulless... that is some of the things the mothers of the cops at Parramatta Court House say about their sons who work there as security.

But Parliament House? Never mind I went in looking like I'd just woken up from my park bench I call home, as I go through and set off the metal detector the cop is all like "steel caps in your boots? not a problem... only problem is you are still sober at this time of night!" (Somewhat presumptuous to assume I was sober...) Way out was met with equally jokey cops. I really am not used to, and feel quite nervous around, friendly cops.

And while we are on the topic of point TWO... I should point out it was hardly a smooth ride... they really didn't seem to want us in their bar and for ages we couldn't get served because the guy behind the bar was very clear that you needed to be associated with some sort of sitting elected parliamentarian. And ours had disappeared to go off to prepare a speech for somethingorather. Eventually one parliamentarian was scrounged up by someone who *knows* these kind of people and the nicely dress man behind the bar was satisfied he was allowed to serve us.

Which was fine until I needed to order another and, standing there for sometime while the man behind the bar did various other tasks, was not convinced I would *get* served at all, what with looking, as I explained, as though I had just arrived from my park bench. But sure enough he did... and I was stunned by the change I got for the twenty I gave him. STUNNED! OUTRAGEOUS! THIS IS THE TAXPAYERS MONEY HE WAS GIVING BACK TO ME!!!

You might be wondering why I was even there.,.. and that reminds me. Point three. I didn't just learn it at Parliament House today, but was told of it once more .. .and that is:

Established, proven, collusion between the British state and death squads in northern Ireland to carry out the most heinous, unspeakable, stomach turning, soul wrenching massacres of civilians is truly ... well fucking unspeakably horrific.

And for more information, read this article by some prick who wore a suit to parliament today (and was forced to tolerate me shuffling along after him) about more details. Or watch this documentary about the British state's use of what can only be described as serial killers to slaughter civilians, often wiping out whole families. And think about both how this is a direct continuation of an approach the British state took to other parts of its Empire over the centuries, perfectly the craft, and how this practice in Ireland has led directly to the occupiers actions in Iraq -- using sectarian violence and death squads to divide and rule for Great Power.

If you really want to have your stomach turned, your tear ducts dried out and your heart taken and stomped on and smashed into a thousand pieces at the sheer unspeakable destruction of innocent human life driven by hatred, bigotry, cold-blooded hypocrisy that has never been properly recognised or had anything like justice administered for, then you can read Anne Cadwallader's Lethal Allies.

Oh well. Luke Kelly sings a mean song about the mess, at least.

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'With their tanks and their guns, my god what have they done...'

Thursday, June 18, 2015

The Daily Carlo: The cats and the machines will unite and enslave us all FEATURING A VIDEO!!!

Well hello, what the fuck is this??? A *second* Daily Carlo in as many days? You mean.... the program where by I blog every single day, begun in February, has *finally* actually become a "daily" if you limit your definition of "daily" to "yesterday" and "today"???

WOW!!! And they say progress is dead! And yes that sound you here *is* the Angels In Heaven trumpeting their joy!

It might sound like a police siren or that like that flat two stories up has decided this is a night for loudly playing Lady Gaga till 3am *again*, but really is is the Angels In Heaven expressing their unbridled joy!.

I should explain the *reason* for this Great Breakthrough For All Humanity. I have been given someone's iPhone 4 as they had upgraded. And so  finally have a *quality smart phone*.

Yes, I've joined the 21st century. And yes, that is the Angels In Heaven you hear again. They are pretty damn excited.

Bascially what this development means is this morning, on my train ride into work, I was liberated. Before this, I had to *read*. I was forced to read what *other people* thought. You know, their views, their take on this, their so-called "facts". BORING!!!

Now, thanks to the "notes" function on the iPhone I no longer have to pay *any attention at all* to what anyone else thinks, like, ever! It can now just be ME ME ME endlessly spewing out my constant, never-ceasing thoughts without ever having to bother to *listen* to another soul ever!!!

(And YES I know I could have always just used a note pad and paper, but fucking hell it is not, like, 1793 or whatever.)

As a result, I was able to type out my thoughts as the train hurtled me forward to the heart of Sydney, before spewing from a carriage at Central so I could once more enjoy the walking nervous breakdowns that pass for Sydney's main streets.

But rather than simply "copy and paste" my notes from the phone to this blog (I can do that now, you know! AMAZING!), it dawned on me, these smart phone Devil Machines allow you to *record yourself*! I CAN BE A FILM STAR IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM!!!

And so I recorded my Vital Thoughts in the form of a short video recorded in my living room and uploaded on to YouTube. You can watch it below -- and I recommend you do as I deal with *the big issue* of our day! Which is, of course, The Cat Question.

Pretty cool huh? And that video, in case it wasn't clear, co-starred Bazza. She even ad-libbed her own lines! Awesome stuff. Seriously though, you can buy me a beer to reward me for all my efforts via the Pay Pal button on the right. GO ON! DO IT!

And as *your* reward, here is the gloroius Miss Li, proving Sweden is not all bad!!!

'I'm so tired of the blogging, yeah I'm so tired of them bothering...' Yeah she, like, released that song in like 2012 and so it obviously isn't a comment on my Daily Carlo series...

Plastic Faces

This thing called modern generation is bored of life across the login
Yeah, I'm so tired of opinions and all the shallow agitation
I call the local weather station
It's raining bullshit through the nation

Go get far, here comes a message from an empty heart
Go get far, tweet it, tweet it, little star
Plastic faces, plastic words
We're all living in our plastic world
And we are caught in mud
Plastic places, plastic fools
God, we're sure misunderstood
Aha, in this plastic world

This is a world with people starving
Young people dying, bombs are falling
We do our party conversations
About our make-up and foundation
And all this talk about fashion
It's such a vested life obsession
Who's in, who's out, who bloody cares?
I close my eyes and disappear

Go get far, here comes a message from an empty heart
Go get far, tweet it, tweet it, little star
Plastic faces, plastic words
We're all living in our plastic world
And we are caught in mud
Plastic places, plastic fools
God we're sure misunderstood
Aha, in this plastic world
In this plastic world

In this plastic world

Plastic faces, plastic words
We're all living in our plastic world
Plastic places, plastic fools
God, we're sure misunderstood
In this plastic world
In this plastic world

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The Daily Carlo: The evidence Sweden never deserved to beat the Matildas today

 My latest Daily Carlo -- you know, my ceaseless campaign of daily blog posts I launched a while back that has proven just as on-time and reliable as a Sydney bus -- is on the 1-1 draw secured by the Australian women's football team, the Matildas, against Sweden today in the Women's World Cup in Canada.

I had the pleasure of watching this match, which began at 10am Sydney time, because I "work from home" on Wednesdays, which, as anyone who has ever "worked from home" can confirm, involves a tough regiment of scouring the TV guide to see whether there is anything worth watching to kill the hours on the basis that a sudden rush of activity before dinner will sort you out (which becomes "after dinner" and then "when I get up extra early tomorrow morning" and then "oh just fuck it, I guess that shit isn't going to happen").

Today, I didn't have to hold out a desperate hope to see a repeat of a Midsomer Murders episode I hadn't seen in the past couple of years and had therefore forgotten who the killer was, because the Matildas were playing a crucial match against highly rated Sweden.

Australia needed at least a draw to qualify for the elimination rounds and Sweden most likely needed a win -- so it promised to be an enthralling clash. And so it was.

But despite the Swedes brilliant 15th minute equaliser and some near chances missed not long after, the Australians held on for the needed draw... and frankly they deserved to for reasons that have nothing to do with on-field events.

Now... I have issues with Australian nationalism that often to make it difficult for me to actively support and "cheer" Australian sides. Stolen land, torturing children of asylum seekers, actively supporting US crimes... this is not actually that nice a nation.

I am not trying to make a big deal over this, just it is a fact that the cry of "Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi" tends to turn my stomach and a lot of Australian sporting "stars" -- Australian male cricketers being prime examples -- seem more like poster boys for macho Australia arrogance than anything else.

Yes *OK* I hear you screaming, Alan Jones, just string me up later and let me make my fucking point on this case... which is... as well as feeling that anything that promotes women's football in this country, or women's sport in general (the first to get cut when there are cuts) is worthwhile... it is also true that when it comes to playing Sweden, there can be *no question* about which side to back if you have *any sense of human decency* or commitment to the concept of *progress* and *civilisation*.

Because ongoing genocide against this continent's First Peoples is one thing. But at least we have *never* done this:

Do you see that? Do you??? That is *bacon* in a fucking *bottle*. To be *squeezed out*.

It is not right and, a close observer will note, right there on the bottle the flag of Sweden. And some writing that, to my eyes, looks disturbingly *Nordic*.

This shit is not acceptable. No one has any right to *do this* to bacon. Jesus fuck YOU DO NOT MESS WITH FUCKING BACON YOU SWEDISH PRICKS! YOU *DO NOT* PUT IT IN A FUCKING BOTTLE TO BE *SQUEEZED OUT*!!!

Who the fuck *does* such a thing? THEY DO NOT DESERVE TO WIN ANYTHING!(1)

It has been suggest to me there may be more here than meets the eye. That this could be a bit of cynically calculated piece of geopolitics on grounds that, apparently, bacon is a major economic and cultural export and identifier for fellow Nordic nation Denmark.

And that, therefore, desecrating it so horrifically could be something these Swede bastards might do as part of a "cultural Cold War". Especially given how tight the competition between them is in Eurovision and crime television exports.

Maybe, but really, as that suggestion came from Leslie, the only bastard to ever beat me in a duel to the death, I think we can discard it.

But, for the record, this *cad* offered the following statement: "I bet there's an evil, squeezable version of some iconic Swedish product made in Norway."

Like what? You mean the Danes have iconic Swedish detective Kurt Wallander available in *bottle form*? So you can squeeze out your dose of understated weariness and air of resigned melancholy combined with an instinctual skill for deducing murderers with your fucking cornflakes?

I don't know. If so, I just say these former vikings in the Nordic nations are more messed up than I could ever have dreamed. And I know what bacon is. And I don't appreciate this Swedish innovation *at all*.

Not right!

Jesus fuck. Someone had to speak out and yet again it is up to Carlo Fucking Sands. Do the decent thing and buy me a beer for my troubles via the Pay Pal donate button on the right side of the blog.

In the meantime, here is a Swedish singer-songwriter Miss Li doing her bit to make up for all the crimes/explaining how such crimes come to be committed.

'No I just can't stay forever drunk...' I hope this is a metaphor for Sweden and one day the nation will awake, hungover, to cry regretfully: 'My god what have we done!'

(1) I have since been informed that, although likely out of the World Cup, the fucking Swedes did Eurovision this year, which only goes to show how backward, retrograde and frankly *insulting* that so-called "music" competition is!

And yes I am still bitter about 2008 when the Ukraine was *robbed* by Serbia in what I rightly denounced at the time as the Great Balkan Scam! I cannot help but feel had justice been delivered at Eurovision seven years ago, the current violent conflict tearing the Ukraine apart may have been avoided.