The demon weed: don't touch it, it will ruin your life

I have made my firm views on drug use pretty explicit.

It is without a doubt a major problem in our society. It is nothing less than a scandal.

Booze is getting more and more expensive and drugs prohibited by historical quirk appear to be getting harder to acquire and, yes, more expensive.

And should we actually take out a mortgage in order to acquire an appropriate level of intoxication to deal with late monopoly capitalism, the cops would rather see us forced to overdose in a bid to avoid persecution than enjoy them in peace.

How the fuck are we meant to get wasted? Or do our rulers seriously expect us to just cope sober?

However, I am the first to admit when I have made a mistake.

Now, mostly I choose booze (which would make a great advertising slogan), but I have never sought to counterpose my choice to those of others. We are, all of us, united by our deep-seated desire to kill the pain, even for just a bit.

However, it is clear that when it comes to marijuana, I for one clearly underestimated its dangers. It turns out it is the demon weed after all.

Yes, the world was rocked just days ago when the News of the World, a bastion of investigative journalism for the betterment of humanity, published a photo of Olympic hero Michael Phelps enjoying a cone.

I had always considered the likes of Phelps to be bizzare freaks who do crazy things to themselves for no apparant reason.

Now, thanks to the NOTW, it all makes horrible sense.

This is a clear example of the dangers of smoking pot.

It starts out as the odd joint with mates. But it is a slippery slope.

You go deeper and deeper until the next thing you know you are a champion swimmer and the greatest Olympian in history in terms of gold medals won.

Can you begin to concieve of the amount of pain and suffering it takes to reach such a situation? I mean what sort of lifestyle is that?

It is proof that pot make you do completley irrational things. I mean, seriously, how wasted do you have to be to decide it would be a cool thing to get in a pool and then swim to the end, only to turn around and swim back again?

Over and over again?

Now, swimming in moderation is fine. But it so often starts as just a bit of harmless fun, but before long you find yourself doing it every day. Obsessively, and at the expense of all other facets of your life.

At first, it is just a few laps. Next thing you know, you're hooked.

It starts with pot and it ends with a severe swimming addiction.

What a horrible way to live.

Don't touch pot, it'll end with tears and whatever horrible national anthem your nation has playing while you stand on a podium.





It started as a bit of fun at parties. It ended with the "Star Spangled Banner" playing twenty times.

Science has yet more reasons to get really drunk!

Science shows that drinking red wine is really good for you and helps if you have a fatty diet. (And let's face it, most drunks do.)

I don't want to say "I told you so" to all those health-freaks out there, but I did always say: "A cask a day keeps the doctor away".

Science has spoken.


Fatty diets may improve with red wine

Sydney Morning Herald, November 6, 2006

Lovers of fatty food may be able to have their cake and eat it too, according to striking new research into a special compound found in red wine...

Resveratrol is found in low doses in red wine and some plants and has been shown to extend the lifespans of yeast, flies, fish and worms in recent research...

Full article.

Drinking will help your career!

Don't believe those health-freak Nazis.

This article *proves* that the more you drink the more successful you will be, and the more money you will earn. Just think of all the expensive drinks you could buy with that extra money!

Although, strangely, the theory about great career and financial advancement going hand in hand with drinking doesn't seem to apply to me... Maybe I don't drink enough?

Or maybe the regulars at The Shannon don't qualify as the sort of "schmoozing" the article registers as likely to lead the career advancement...


Does Drinking Help Your Career?

A new study has stirred up debate about what role socializing plays in
the workplace.

Peter Hoy
Inc.com

While many were quick to dismiss the findings of a recent study
showing that drinkers make more on average than those that abstain
from alcohol, a number of CEOs cite a direct connection between
socializing and career advancement.

Regular drinkers make 10% to 14% more money than those who do not
drink, according to the study, conducted by the Journal of Labor
Research, published quarterly by the Department of Economics at George
Mason University, and the Reason Foundation, a Los Angeles-based think
tank.

full article

Great news about coffee! No wonder I am still alive!

Rarely does the mainstream media contain much to smile about. However, the article below from the British Guardian, reprinted in the Sydney Morning Herald in June, is great news indeed!

Scientists have discovered that drinking large quantities of coffee stops liver rot in big drinkers! And the more coffee you drink, the better it works! Fantastic! This explains why I am still alive!

So, health-freaks, what do you have to say for yourselves now? "Oh, you shouldn't drink so much, it'll damage your liver" "Oh, don't you know how terrible it is for your health to drink four pots of coffee a day ". Blah fucking blah. How stupid do you feel now, eh, with your bloody herbal tea and your... what ever it is people who don't drink alcohol consume. Air. (And that stuff will kill you, by the way.)

It isn't even that I particularly like my liver. We really don't get on. I think it is the age difference. I'm 28, my liver is on the pension.

However, unfortunately, scientists are yet to find a way to live without one. So this is positive news. It makes sense as well. It is lifes natural rhythm. Coffee all day. Beer all night. Repeat. Now science has proven it.

Coffee stops liver rot in big drinkers

June 14, 2006

DRINKING coffee could help protect you from liver disease caused by alcohol, research shows.

People who drink one cup of coffee a day are 20 per cent less likely to suffer alcoholic cirrhosis than those who drink none.

And the protective effect increases with the more coffee you have: those who drink two or three cups a day are 40 per cent less likely to suffer cirrhosis, while people who drink four or more cups are 80 per cent less likely to get the disease.

The findings were conducted by researchers at the Kaiser Permanente health care organisation in California, and published in the US journal Archives of Internal Medicine.

The link between coffee and cirrhosis was first reported by Kaiser Permanente researchers in 1993, but this new study - which followed 125,000 people over 22 years - "solidifies the association", said Arthur Klatsky, the head researcher.

He said: "Consuming coffee seems to have some protective benefits against alcoholic cirrhosis, and the more coffee a person consumes the less risk they seem to have of being hospitalised or dying of alcoholic cirrhosis. [But] we did not see a similar protective association between coffee and non-alcoholic cirrhosis."

The researchers studied people who underwent a medical examination between 1978 and 1985 and who, at the time, had no diagnosed liver disease. Participants filled out a questionnaire detailing how much alcohol, coffee and tea they drank daily.

By the end of 2001, 330 of them had been diagnosed with liver disease, including 199 with alcoholic cirrhosis, a condition where heavy drinking causes progressive damage and impaired function of the liver.

Blood tests conducted on the heaviest drinkers confirmed that those who enjoyed coffee were less likely to have high levels of enzymes in the liver - a key indicator of liver damage. But drinking tea had no effect, suggesting the ingredient that protects against cirrhosis is not caffeine.

The Guardian