An important message for Valentines Day, plus a poem and a Tom Waits song!

HELLO! It is Valentines Day and, being the famous romantic that I am, I feel it is important for me to pass on the most crucial piece of information *anyone* could ever give you about relationships. Yes, Uber Facts explains COUPLES WHO DRINK TOGETHER ARE MORE LIKELY TO STAY TOGETHER.

The article explains what *should* be obvious: "Researchers reviewing data collected from 19,977 married couples in one county in Norway reported that spouses who consume about the same amount of alcohol were less likely to divorce than pairs where one partner is a heavy drinker and the other is not ..."

It is just *so sad* when one person is so willing to threaten a relationship by selfishly refusing to drink. As we all know, *it takes at least two* to have a drinking game.





A happy couple.


This might all seem obvious, but we live in strange and disturbing times. Specifically, we live during the so-called FebFast -- a horrific idea whereby a bunch of fools decide to give up drinking *for an entire month*. February *is* the shortest month of the year, yes, but it is still 28-days too long between beers.

I really have no idea why *anyone* would wish to make themselves so goddamn miserable, but even *I* know of at least two people who decided to take part. Luckily, one of them didn't even last a week. The other may well be a lost cause for humanity. But we can all pray for their soul, I suppose.

I am sure you all want to know who is CARLO SANDS' Valentine, so here is the poem I wrote to my TRUE LOVE:

Roses are red,
violets are Blue
Dear Western Sydney Wanderers
I'll always sing for you





'We'll always love you, never betray you...'



What the poem lacks in metre, style, originality and talent, it makes up for with passion. AND PASSION IS NOT A CRIME!

Obviously, I tweeted it to the the Official Twitter Account of the Western Sydney Wanderers, *certain* in the fact they would *love it* and/or block me and take out an AVO. AND SURE ENOUGH THEY RETWEETED IT! And I am yet to hear any word of an AVO, so all is looking good!

I am so glad, coz I can't take much more rejection. Earlier today, I tried to become Nathan Fillion's Valentine. (If you don't know who that is SHAME ON YOU HERE IS A PIECE I WROTE EARLIER ON THE TOPIC).

Fillion tweeted: "Now taking Valentine Applications. No guilt trips or sob stories- GO!" And dozens of his followers got accepted for saying all kinds of random things, like "I'll give you $1.50 and a jolly rancher.” To which Fillion said "Sold. In". Or "I'm a cardiology student, i know the best way to your heart", which got a "Gross. In."

Or even this one: "My safe word is 'Apples'." to which Fillion saw fit to respond: "In. Apples."

Me? I spoke from the heart and said "because I have great cheekbones", which anyone who looks at my picture in the top right hand corner of this blog could tell you! AND I GET NOTHING!

I MEAN, JUST CHECK THE CHEEKBONES OUT BELOW!




So *apparently* these cheekbones are *not good enough* for Captain Mal.



It put me in such a bad mood, I had to listen to Tom Waits. Luckily, Tom Waits has written the *greatest* Valentines Day song ever! Well... not really "luckily" coz it is Tom Waits. I mean, of course he has. AND HERE IT IS!




'And it takes a lot of whiskey to make these nightmares go away.'


I already showed you some pretty good goddamn poetry. But *if anything* this shit is even better! So here are the words to this song listed below in an easy to read fashion RIGHT HERE ON MY BLOG! No worries, just buy me a beer some time (via the "pay pal donate" button on your right).

BLUE VALENTINES

She sends me blue valentines
All the way from Philadelphia
To mark the anniversary
Of someone that I used to be
And it feels just like there's
A warrant out for my arrest
Got me checkin' in my rearview mirror
And I'm always on the run
That's why I changed my name
And I didn't think you'd ever find me here

To send me blue valentines
Like half forgotten dreams
Like a pebble in my shoe
As I walk these streets
And the ghost of your memory
Is the thistle in the kiss
And the burgler that can break a rose's neck
It's the tattooed broken promise
That I hide beneath my sleeve
And I see you every time I turn my back

She sends me blue valentines
Though I try to remain at large
They're insisting that our love
Must have a eulogy
Why do I save all of this madness
In the nightstand drawer
There to haunt upon my shoulders
Baby I know
I'd be luckier to walk around everywhere I go
With a blind and broken heart
That sleeps beneath my lapel

She sends me my blue valentines
To remind me of my cardinal sin
I can never wash the guilt
Or get these bloodstains off my handa
And it takes a lot of whiskey
To take these nightmares go away
And I cut my bleedin' heart out every night
And I die a little more on each st. valentines day
Remember that I promised I would
Write you...
These blue valentines
Blue valentines
Blue valentines

Never forget, never forgive: Castle reminds us fleetingly of what we could be watching

An episode in the second season of the US TV show Castle, which stars Nathan Fillion who formerly stared as Captain Malcom Reynolds on Joss Whedon’s Firefly, has made an in-joke reference to the late Whedon series cancelled by Fox before it completed its first season.

This is a cruel move that brings back painful memories.

The 21st century has already seen some truly great crimes against humanity: the invasion and occupation of Iraq at the cost of a million dead; Sri Lanka’s ongoing genocide of the Tamil people; and Shannon Noll’s recording career are three that come to mind.

But what the Fox Network did to Joss Whedon's brilliant, groundbreaking “space western” TV series Firefly is surely a contender for top spot.

They cancelled it after only 14 episodes of the first season had been produced, with only 11 screened.

This was after badly undermining the show, screening episodes out of order and forcing a new first episode to be written after disliking the pilot.

The feature-length pilot was of course one of the truly great episodes ever produced for television. It was beautifully shot, capturing the colour, feel and breadth of its highly original setting — the outer-rim of civilised space done Wild-West-style.

It packed a remarkable amount of information, introduced a wide cast of characters with their drama and tension driving the plot, told a multifaceted story the product of a remarkable imagination, and did so at a cracking pace littered with brilliant one-liners.

Fox executives hated it.

The fuckers sabotaged the show then dumped it.

Poor ratings were blamed for the series cancellation. Yet DVD sales of the aborted series were through the roof and the show, despite its forcibly short run, is regularly voted the best sci-fi show ever.

But Fox saw little value in it and had no interest in giving it the appropriate treatment for TV success. It was much cheaper and easier for them to churn out another reality TV show.

That was bad enough.

But it was not the first time Fox had killed.

In an act of presumably unintended irony, Fox announced it was dropping Whedon’s show Angel just as season five was investigating the question of whether it was possible to work within an evil corporation and still do good.

As a result, the final episode of the season and series understandably ended on the somewhat bleak note — concluding “No, not really” in a somewhat bloody, if heroic, conclusion.

Of course, season five was easily the best Angel season. If there is one thing a Fox executive cannot stand it is quality. It makes them uneasy.

And now, Fox seems determined to kill again. Like a serial killer, Fox has in its sights another potential victim that fits its profile: Joss Whedon's latest show Dollhouse.

Dollhouse has at least fared better than Firely. Not only did it make it through season one, it was even reluctantly granted a second run.

Now, the news is it is very likely to be its last, with Fox pulling the show for the entire of November.

The result of this killing spree is the actors are forced to turn their tricks in shows of far less quality.

Fillion is a class act and, in some ways, it is good to see him as Richard Castle in yet another inevitable variation of the police/detective murder drama.

Yet, while his charisma raises the show above the 100,000 other slight variations on the same theme, it exists as a permanent reminder of what could, and should, have been.

In Australia, Channel Seven seem determined to torment Whedon fans by showing Castle as well as Bones — the yet another variation on the murder drama featuring the former star of Angel, David Boreanaz.

In a particular act of cruelty that should prompt an amendment to the Geneva Conventions, it has been known to run them straight after each other.

If Dollhouse, which has never even screened on free-to-air TV in Australia, is finally cancelled, we can confidently expect Channel Seven to bombard us with prime-time repeats of Dollhouse star Eliza Dushku’s Tru Calling — a less memorable venture for someone so talented, to be polite about it.

In the episode of Castle with the Firefly in-joke, Richard Castle dresses up for Halloween in his ol’ captain Mal outfit.

There is a half-minute scene in which he tries to explain and defend the outfit to his teenage daughter.

Castle's annoying brat of a kid, supposed to ingratiating in that horrific stomach-churning way US TV shows imagine to be cute, asks: “Don’t you think it is time you moved on?”

Fillon/Castle/Reynolds speaks for us all with is to-the point reply: “But I like it!”





“Didn’t you wear that, like, five years ago?”

Fillion is amusing in the scene, but is it too soon? At what point does it become acceptable to joke about such an atrocity?

For my part, the actions of Fox executives raises series questions about the sort of society we live in.

The social-economic structures are, to my mind, utterly condemned by the treatment of Joss Whedon. No further proof is needed of late monopoly capitalism’s terminal decline.

These are the things by which a society is judged, and one with any decency would throw as much cash at Joss Whedon as it could possibly spare and shout: “Go away an entertain us!”

Unfortunately, in this society, “entertainment” is left in the hands of the likes of Fox executives. In other words, the lowest form of human life — an even greater symbol of moral bankruptcy of the capitalist “entertainment industry” than Kyle Sandliands.

There are some things that can never be forgiven.

Go about your daily lives of continuing to cancel Joss Whedon shows, Fox network executives, but Carlo Sands is watching you.

And one day, justice will be served.





“What did y’all order a dead guy for?” A quote from a Fox executive in a meeting in the not-to-distant future.




“I'm right there with you.” A quote from said Fox executives’ meeting about unlimited funding for any project Joss Whedon decides is appropriate after a persuasive presentation by Carlo Sands.