Friday, March 19, 2021

Missed the first AFL men's game last night? Here's the commentating highlights to get you up to speed

The AFL is back, if you exclude the seven AFLW rounds already played this year, and no doubt almost all of you were glued to the TV as there's really nothing else of interest going on in the world right now.

Or maybe you were too busy celebrating another week of no protesters being shot dead on our streets to. Or too distracted thinking about that top cop's idea, the one so dumb and offensive in equal measures it was like a Donald Trump tweet if the ex-president and future convict had suffered an especially debilitating aneurysm.

Or maybe you just couldn't bring yourself to watch a game between Richmond and Carlton. After all, the game offered the unpleasant choice of a win for a deeply unlikable, arrogant and entitled club with little respect for the rules, or a draw.

Well don't worry, I've got your back. The best part of watch AFL is undoubtedly the quality of the Channel 7 commentary, and even without Bruce McAvaney in the box there's still plenty to like about this team.

So I collected a few of the commentating highlights as they were uttered last night so you can get a full flavour of the match. As it goes on, you might feel the comments seem to get a little homoerotic, if not outright pornographic. I can assure you this just you. Australian Rules football is a pure, innocent game and you should be ashamed of yourself!

THE FOOTY'S BACK! (Spoiler: a deeply unlikable, arrogant and entitled club with a questionable commitment to the rules won the match.)




And the 2021 AFL season is underway!

Wrapped him up like a blanket

Perfect conditions at the MCG, as BT said

Wants to play on

Massages it to half forward

Can he find someone inside 50?

For the first goal in the match and the season…. BANG!

With the clearing kick

Smooth as you like

Worked it nicely

One on one, he rarely loses them

Aren't the fans loving it being back!

Nice movement

Hopeful start here for the Blues

Defends to the boundary

This first 10 minutes are crucial

Dropped what he should have taken

Now the calvary arrive

Only one home for the Blues

He'll run all night!

Now they steady, the Tiges

Ball's pinging around

It just emphasises the importance of decision making

Just a little bit too cute

You CANNOT turn the ball over there in that part of the groun. You just cannot afford to do it!

Has got to be clean

Great to be back here!

Level pegging… in goals

That was well done by the young gun

Kept it alive

Sits a high one up

Got a nice look about it already, this game of footy

They need to hit the scoreboard

Two ready to do combat in the Coles centre circle!

Excellent front and centring from the Carlton smalls

Belted in the tackle

Coughed it up, you can't do that against the Tigers!

You couldn't ask for more! Scores level!

Knew he had to get rid of it

Pouring the pressure on late in this first term

Goes for home, touched on the line

Pounds a long one

Strikes it perfectly!

So much to like about this kid

Mown down!

High ball

Does well in the end

Crowds are back, AFL is back!

Six lead changed already, it's a great game of footy


Has he got enough on it?

Funny little handball

Nice body work

Might have been interfered with

Turns around and says "Mate, I'm twice your size!"

They have been explosive!

Centering ball

Reiwaldt hits the board

Tried to get boot to ball

The pressure from both sides… EXCEPTIONAL!

What's he got ahead of him?

Now they're out!

Parked underneath it

Puts it wide

It is on!

Now the human meatball…


Lowers the eyes, that's nice

Seesawing encounter to start the season

AFL football is back in a big way!

Funny little kick

Advantage is paid

Got to make a contest

Great vision out wide

Right on the Toyota logo there

They really got to steady here

Wants to wheel and go

Across the face, a minor score

There's been some decent mullets over the Carlton journey

Runners everywhere

They start to get hold of it!

Interesting decision

It's a two goal spread

He thought about going

Thumped through

You get the feeling the Tiges will be careful with the ball here

Well it's a great game of footy at the MCG. It's lived up to expectations!

He'll thump it back in

Floats one forward

Where was the pressure?

Blues fans furious!

Can't bend it back enough!

Hoisted it inside without great direction

Let himself down there

He can't help finding the ball!

Run down, holding the ball!

Ball in

The Blues are peppering

Oh that's nice! They are coming, the Blues!

That's a very nice set shot!

Good hands, quick release

Hard at the pack

Just couldn't handle the ball

Their sub has been activated

Just pounded it out of there

Big coupla minutes!

You thought he might have been towelled there a little bit, BT?

Straight as! Perfect execution

He slots it through

Carlton have been rushing

Hacks it across the face

Probably should have hung on

Martin's in great shape

Nailed it!

It ended up in the best possible hands

If you can't put it on the scoreboard it goes to waste

Had to go down deep

Worked it through with great hands

And a ball up

Only five touches this half after he was enormous early

Can the Blues find something just to steady the ship?

Umpire said it was high

Tigers fans not impressed!

Sprays it wide

Inaccuracy really costing the Blues at the moment

Can they conjure something?

Swinging it away by hand

Good call, Jobe

Neat little ball

He reels and goes

What an important goal

He's snagged a couple

A good late fist

He sees it out

Plenty of time on the clock!

Steers it inside 50

This is a must goal!

Just needs to hit it a little harder here. 

That's nice, well done!

Over the top and there's Blues everywhere!

Jeez JB they've got a bit of steam up now haven't they!

They'll get a ball in very deep

Still lots of time! That clock WILL NOT WIND DOWN!

He's impossible to collar!

Keeps it in

Ran into his own man!

Plenty of time for both teams

He was mounted!

Stuck it down the throat of Reiwaldt

A penetrating ball

Just composure to put it through

They've done enough here the Tigers, such a professional outfit

Too good, Richmond.