2016 got you down? Fear not, in 2017 Cory Bernardi says you will 'hear more from him'

A self-described voice of common sense.

Worried after a rough 2016 that 2017 might be worse? Don't worry, this week Cory Bernardi says we can expect here more of him next year! 

The SMH reports:

He has never been among the shy and retiring elements of the Turnbull government backbench. 

But Cory Bernardi has sounded an ominous warning to his Liberal Party colleagues for 2017 - he's going "all in" to bring about the type of political change that American voters were thirsting for when they put Donald Trump in the White House.

That is what this country needs. A political offensive by an over-exposed far-right ultra conservative fundamentalist climate denier who has insisted Syrian refugees are perfectly safe in the Middle East and suggested gay marriage could lead to bestiality.

Bernardi has said some pretty offensive shit in his time, like that time he said, "Why then the levels of criminality among boys and promiscuity among girls who are brought up in single-parent families, more often than not headed by a single mother?"  But suggesting if we let gay couples marry, people might want to marry animals is surely the most offensively absurd.

Not only does it appear to equate gay sex with bestiality, it is just so out of step with modern values. Because, sure we all know a barnyard animal can show you a good time, but they just aren't marriage material! So typical of Bernardi's outdated 1950s morality. Like, it's the 21st century, we don't actually have to marry all of our one night stands! Move with the times!

Bernardi insists on his website that "common sense lives here", which may be true, but does it pay rent? I don't know what that last comment means either, but it makes as much sense as else to do with that site so fuck it, the line stays.

Really, why wouldn't we hear more of Bernardi? The far right are on the march throughout the West, so even here in the slow, backwards Australia, they feel sure this is their moment! They are taking the power back from the tyrannical elite of social workers, school teachers and Guardian subscribers who run the banks, or something.

So we all get to watch the squabbles over scraps of power between the more fundamentalist Christian far right types like Bernardi and Kevin Andrews, the "climate change is a UN globalist plot" wackos like Malcolm Roberts and the "I just don't like the coloureds" faction, headed by Pauline "We are being swamped by Asians and/or Muslims" Hanson.

All have a strong overlap in their concerns/neuroses, of course, but also their own territory of Batshit Crazy Island to protect and seek to extend.

As we slide further into Hell next year, it is nice to know our descent will be accompanied by the screeching of time travelling madhouse inmate escapees from 1951.

Anyway, here is Lily Allen because of course I'm going to post this track.


'You're just some racist who can't tie my lace, your point of view's medieval...'

The Daily Carlo: More good news! Andrew Bolt is back on form railing at marriage equality!!!

Here at the Daily Carlo, it is almost as if we (there is no shame in a royal "we" when you are as successful and talented a blogger as we are) have been bitten by some sort of "optimist bug" because, rarely, this is the second blog post in a row to be about good news!

There seems a rare outbreak of good news, whether it is finding the existence of some new songs by Texas-based country singer Hayes Carll songs on YouTube or discovering that Murdoch journalist, culture warrior and convicted racist Andrew Bolt is back on form railing wildly about the "tyranny" of the June 26 United States Supreme Court decision that ruled in favour of same-sex marriages!

This is reassuring, as I was getting worried about the poor bastard. After the historic referendum in the Irish republic in May that voted in favour of marriage equality, a clearly demoralised Bolt wrote: "The battle for same-sex marriage has been won ...  In 2004, Newspoll showed only one-third of Australians backed same-sex marriage. In 2014, it was twice as many and I suspect support has grown since."

Describing himself as a "sceptic" about allowing full equality between heterosexual and same-sex marriages -- still explicitly banned in this country thanks to a 2004 law passed under John Howard -- Bolt said that "the Yes vote in Catholic Ireland last week broke the back of any real resistance here, too".

But the arch-conservative has got his mojo back, which is just as well, as it is Written that one of the Final Signs Of The Coming Of The Apocalypse is when "a Tabloid Hack shalt cease opposing Equality, Progress and Things That Make People Happy Without Having Any Impact On Others" and so I'd begun stocking up on canned food.

He's back on form!

Now, all is as it should be. In the gloriously titled "A tyranny of judges forces same-sex marriage on US voters", Bolt hits out strongly at those five oppressive judges who voted to "invent the right to same-sex marriage" despite the fact this runs "in direct opposition to the expressed views of voters in several states".

Of course, if we wanted to be picky, we could point out that it would seem Bolt is being a little selective in his defence of popular opinion, seeing as US polls have consistently shown majority support for marriage equality since 2010.

But in his deeply reassuring rant, Bolt approves of the "magnificent dissenting judgement" of Justice Samuel Alito, who noted: "At present, no one—including social scientists, philosophers, and historians—can predict with any certainty what the long-term ramifications of widespread acceptance of same-sex marriage will be."

And indeed the ramifications could be anything. Society could collapse. The Earth could open up and swallow us whole. The Giant Evil Squid Monster From The Deepest Ocean, renown for its homophobic views, could be reawoken after a 10,000-year sleep and devour us all.

Or, and this is just one of the many options, gay people could, if they so choose, have their relationships officially recognised as marriages on the same equal footing as straight marriages. It is really very hard to tell.

SEE THE TYRANNY!!!

THE OPPRESSION IS HORRIFIC!!!

IS THIS WHAT THE BOSTON TEA PARTY SACRIFICED ALL THAT TEA FOR???

ARRRRRRGHHH!!!!

OH FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T PROVOKE THE GIANT EVIL KILLER SQUID MONSTER FROM THE DEEPEST OCEAN, YOU KNOW IT HATES THIS KINDA THING!!!

Oh, and here you go, here is a totally unrelated song by Gossip.




'Standing in the way of control, we live our lives...'

The Daily Carlo: Things seem bleak, but there is good news! There are new Hayes Carll songs!

Yeah the world is a dark place. God only knows, my last Daily Carlo explained that in this country perfectly well, for those of you paying some kind of attention to anything I rant about.

Let alone the goddamn world, with the horrors of climate change-related extreme weather killing thousands on the subcontinent, the horrors of endless imperialist-inspired violence in the Middle East and beyond and the fact this year has already seen one new Mumford and Sons album so far.

But you know what? There is hope. Good things can happen. Like, for instance, the historic US Supreme Court ruling legalising marriage equality in all US states or the fact that I have just discovered a whole new YouTube clip of an entire Hayes Carll show featuring a handful of new songs!!!

Just one of the good things that has happened.

Yes, desperate for a reason not to launch myself out of my window, I turned, as I so often do, to YouTube clips of songs by the great, widely-lauded Texas country singer Hayes Carll... and I discovered an entire show from a Houston bar on the night before Thanksgiving last year had been uploaded... nearly an hour-and-a-half long!

And, as you might expect from a man who last released an album in 2011, it features several new songs! YAR!!! AWESOME!!! And also, it features a great, and surprising, performance from one of the first songs Hayes Carll ever wrote and recorded, the glorious Easy Come and Easy Go, as it had been requested by a couple of people before the show.

WOW! AWESOME! INCREDIBLE! THE KEY THING IS I DIDN'T JUMP OUT OF THE WINDOW SPLATTERING MY FLESH AND INTERNAL ORGANS EVERYWHERE!!! 

It also features some great Hayes Carll story telling along the way and you can WATCH AND HEAR THE WHOLE THING HERE!

New Hayes Carll songs! 

But perhaps, for some reason, you don't really want to spend an hour-and-a-half listening to some slovenly dressed, shaggy, bearded country singer from Houston with no introduction to the man. So why does such a long show by Hayes Carll matter? Well christ knows where to even start, it could be anywhere... like all good singer-songwriters.

Sometimes all you can ask of a song is it breaks your heart, in one clinical, surgical strike, so as to save you the effort of getting it broken yourself. Hayes is one of those who kindly saves you the effort.

I love what he does so much I think that, all things considered, I'd like to die and be reincarnated as Hayes Carll. I'm tempted to give the whole death thing a go just on the off-chance it might work.

I won't even trouble you with the gloriously amusing She Left Me For Jesus, I'll just point you to these three tracks:

I saw you leanin' on a memory
With your back turned to the crowd
In that little bar on Murphy
Where they play guitar too loud
There were people drinkin' whiskey
There were hearts about to leave
It was cold as hell for Houston
It was almost New Years Eve

I'm gonna leave these blues behind
For some other fool to find
He don't care and I won't mind
Hide me, babe, hide me, babe

Everybody knows it's a hard time
Livin' on the minimum wage
Ah, some people just gunna sneak on through
Others gotta rattle that cage...

And below is a whole series of Hayes Carll songs all in a row live!!




Awesome. Don't thank me, just buy me a beer. Seriously. DO IT! DO IT VIA THE PAY PAL DONATE BUTTON ON THE RIGHT OF THIS BLOG!

‘The bulls set us an example’: transcript of Lateline interview with controversial National Party Senator

I swear to God I saw this the other night on Lateline.

I had never heard of any Senator Ernest Smythe, but I was quite impressed with his ability to outdo in the logic stakes none less than Christian fundamnetalist Family First Senator Stephen Fielding. Senator Fielding, of course, is a a climate change sceptic who nonetheless mananged to blame divorce as a cause of global warming.

I believe the Dylaneqsue Mr Tony Jones handled him very well, as usual.


LATELINE TRANSCRIPT:

MR JONES: We have with us tonight Ernest Smythe, the National Party Senator for Queensland. He joins us via satellite from his cattle farm in Werethafukami, which is located about 600 kilometres north-west of Idunno. An outspoken MP, a loose cannon his enemies say, he is undeniably popular with the hardline wing of the Nationals, many of whom view current leader, Barnaby Joyce, as far too liberal. Thanks for speaking with us, Mr Smythe.

SENATOR SMYTHE: Always a pleasure, Tony.

MR JONES: You have built a reputation as being very outspoken on a number of controversial issues of the day...

SENATOR SMYTHE: Out here, in the bush, we speak our minds. We say what we mean, Tony, and we don't care who we offend. That's how it is out here, that's how this country was built. You find the salt of the earth out here.

MR JONES: And some people.

SENATOR SMYTHE: Some people, yeah. Not too many. It is a tough life out here, most young people prefer to get as far away as they can the minute they get their drivers licence. We breed 'em tough out here. For some reason they then leave.

MR JONES: You have been very outspoken in your opposition to the “hot-button” issue of same-sex marriage. What is your opposition to allowing two people of the same sex, who love each other, having their relationship granted equal legal standing with a marriage between a man and a woman?

SENATOR SMYTHE: Well, I'll tell you something you learn when you spend your life out here, on a farm. It's a tough life but it’s full of lessons. Tough lessons, lessons maybe those in the cities don't learn. I'll tell you a lesson you learn very early out here: that is ... what was the question?

MR JONES: Same-sex marriage.

SENATOR SMYTHE: Right, well you learn something about that on a farm. For instance, we breed cows. Now, if you want to breed a cow, you don't put two bulls together. That's one of the tough lessons you learn out here. You take the road of trying to mate two bulls, you're screwed. [Said off to one side] Isn't that right love? Two bulls wont get you a cow? Sorry, that's my wife, June. She agrees. Two bulls are useless.

MR JONES: Okay, well...

SENATOR SMYTHE: You don't see that sort of a thing on a farm. Growing up round these parts, you don't have a mardi gras. You just don't see it. You don't see two bulls asking to get married. You don't see two bulls play around about together. No, well, there was that time, [to the side] when was that love? Last month.

MR JONES: Two bulls...

SENATOR SMYTHE: Two bulls last month, yeah, it was ah, Jack and... [looks to the side questiongly] oh Jack, yeah that's right. We caught Jack and Jack. We call all our bulls Jack, much easier that way. They were up to, well you know.

MR JONES: Right, so..

SENATOR SMYTHE: It was unfortunate. But you know the thing is, Tony, they didn't then ask to get married.

MR JONES: They didn't?

SENATOR SMYTHE: No. I can't say I personally approve of their activities, but say what you will about Jack and Jack, at least they don't go around seeking to wreck the sacred institution of marriage. Jack and Jack are not trying to destroy the very pillar of family life, on which this nation was built.

MR JONES: Okay, well how about the times when your bulls do mate with your cows. It could be said with the same logic, surely, that this too is destroying the institution of the family if all of this mating occurs outside of marriage?

SENATOR SMYTHE: Absolutely Tony. We always marry our bulls and cows before mating. We like to do things properly out here. Maybe that’s old-fashioned, maybe we seem like hicks to the trendy inner-city set sipping lattes. Maybe they find that a bit strange...

MR JONES: Marrying your bulls and cows?

SENATOR SMYTHE: Quite possibly they do, I don't know. And frankly, Tony, I don't care. We don't apologise for standing by the values that built this country, for which the Anzacs died.

MR JONES: I assume you would expect the bulls and cows to follow their marriage vows. But presumably, in order to run an economically viable farm, you can't afford to allow one bull to only mate with one cow?

SENATOR SMYTHE: That is a problem and the bovine species are not that different in this sense from humans. They too are born in sin. It is in their nature. A bull has no desire to only mate with one cow and the cows don't seem bothered about what else a bull gets up to. This is not unlike many people these days, unfortunately, and, like in our society, this causes many social problems.

MR JONES: Such as?

SENATOR SMYTHE: The divorce rate is shocking. It is a tragedy, but we can't allow our stock to live in sin. So once the marriage has occurred and the mating done, we have no choice but to perform a divorce so a new marriage, and new mating, can take place. The bull has no thought for the sacred institution of marriage, unfortunately, so the process repeats itself many times.

It is a sad fact but true: the divorce rate out here is very high. It is a tough life.

MR JONES: So to summarise, Senator, this is why you oppose same-sex marriage?

SENATOR SMYTHE: Yes. I think the example of Jack and Jack is very instructive. Whatever their weaknesses, whatever their sins, they know that God made Adam and Eve not Jack and Jack and they respect that.

MR JONES: If I may more on, now, to another major issue in which you hold outspoken views. You have caused a lot of controversy with your repeated insistence that there is no such thing as global warming. How do you make such a claim in the face of overwhelming evidence from the scientific community?

SENATOR SMYTHE: Global warming is a conspiracy theory. That’s not a popular thing to say. It’s not politically correct. But out here we call things as we see them. It is a hoax. It has no basis whatsoever in science.

MR JONES: But, surely, as a farmer you would be well aware of the long-lasting drought rural areas have been suffering. How do you respond to those scientists that have linked this with climate change?

SENATOR SMYTHE: Homosexuality.

MR JONES: I'm sorry?

SENATOR SMYTHE: The one answer most of the scientific community refuse to investigate, in the middle of all their talk about “scientific evidence”, is that the drought is punishment from God for the rise in homosexual activity.

That’s a tough call, but is hard to blame Him. It is getting out of control.

MR JONES: Right, well...

SENATOR SMYTHE: I've tried to tell Jack and Jack. I tried to explain to them that they’re only hurting themselves. For whatever momentary pleasure they get out of their perverted activities, they’re only denying themselves the green grass they need to eat.

But like so many humans, they refuse to look at the reality, at the cold hard facts. Rather than face up to our sins, we prefer to invent fairytales about “global warming”. That is much easier for people to believe in.

MR JONES: People find it easier to believe in human-induced global warming than drought being a punishment from God for homosexuality?

SENATOR SMYTHE: Exactly. The scientific community are very closed-minded. They refuse to even consider the alternatives. I have not found a single so-called climate scientist willing to debate me on the topic of homosexuality versus human-induced global warming.

MR JONES: Well, unfortunately, I think that is all we have time for. Thanks, again Senator, for that illuminating conversation and we hope …

SEANTOR SMYTHE: [to the side] What’s that? Shit! [to camera, getting up] Sorry, Tony, I am going to have to … it’s Jack and Jack again. [to the side] Get the hose love — we can’t afford another year of drought, not with our bills. [Walks off]

MR JONES: That was Ernest Smyth, National Party Senator for Queensland, from his farm at Werethafukami.