Friday, November 15, 2013

Smash: a poem.


Smash smash smash smash.
Smash smash smash smash.
Smash smash smashity
smash smash smash smash smash smash smashity smash smash
FUCKING GODDAMN SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!! SMASH!!!!!!!!!!! SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!
Smash smash smash smash.
I am never watching the news again.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Filipinos outrageously politicse their own national tragedy by demanding climate action!!!

Have you heard the latest outrage by these global warming extremist scum? Nothing is sacred to these bastards, NOTHING!

While millions of Filipino people were struggling with the terrible effects of a massive storm, which a glance at Wikipedia will reveal have long occurred in the Philippines, a representative of their *own government* has outrageously dared to politicise this national tragedy!

Yes, the Philippines climate change commissioner Yeb Sano had the unbelievable *gall* to get up at negotiations over so-called global warming and say:
We cannot sit and stay helpless staring at this international climate stalemate. It is now time to take action. We need an emergency climate pathway.

'Unprecedented, unthinkable and horrific...' How DARE HE SAY SUCH THINGS!

How outraged those poor people must feel as they search in vain for non-existent food and water amid the apocalyptic scenes of total and utter devastation caused by one of strongest storms on record, that their own representative at climate change talks would have the gall to demand climate action!

I mean, especially as it is hardly a one off for them in recent years. Not when there was the death and destruction wrought by tropical cyclone Ketsana in 2009, Typhoon Washi in 2010, Tropical Storm Bopha last year and the southwest monsoon rains in August last year...

As dead bodies float past them on flooded streets, the peoples' rage must be uncontrollable at the sheer gall anyone would demand emergency action to reduce the growing risk of such severe, almost unimaginable social catastrophes engulfing them in such unspeakable, repeated tragedies.

These people must be *outraged*.

The extremist bastard does not stop there! Sano *actually*, christ I can barely type these words I am so filled with rage at how goddamn *insensitive* he is being to even *dare* raise this at such a time, he actually says... climate sceptics should "get off their ivory towers" to see the impacts of climate change firsthand!


Now if there is ever a man of the people, it is Andrew! When Australia’s most diligent climate “sceptic” isn’t on TV abusing anyone to the left of Attila the Hun, or at his keyboard writing racial abuse, or attending lavish dinners thrown by the prime minister or large corporate interests ... why he is... well... I guess sleeping as that is pretty much his whole week filled.

Andrew Bolt: Man of the people.

But if you thought this Sano bastard could not sink any lower... well get this! He actually said:
Science tells us that simply, climate change will mean more intense tropical storms.

As the Earth warms up, that would include the oceans. The energy that is stored in the waters off the Philippines will increase the intensity of typhoons and the trend we now see is that more destructive storms will be the new norm.

Sure, this is what climate scientists have been screaming at us for a few decades, but what a time to raise it! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR SCIENCE! FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, HOW INSENSITIVE CAN YOU BE?!

You might think by now, a sense of shame would stay this prick’s tongue. No. He actually added:
To anyone who continues to deny the reality that is climate change, I dare them to go to the islands of the Pacific, the islands of the Caribbean and the islands of the Indian ocean and see the impacts of rising sea levels; to the mountainous regions of the Himalayas and the Andes to see communities confronting glacial floods, to the Arctic where communities grapple with the fast dwindling polar ice caps, to the large deltas of the Mekong, the Ganges, the Amazon, and the Nile where lives and livelihoods are drowned, to the hills of Central America that confronts similar monstrous hurricanes, to the vast savannas of Africa where climate change has likewise become a matter of life and death as food and water becomes scarce.

Not to forget the massive hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico and the eastern seaboard of North America. And if that is not enough, they may want to pay a visit to the Philippines right now.

The only thing I can possibly imagine in his defence for this atrocious abuse of a tragedy to push his extremist “global warming” barrow is the poor guy is probably traumatised.

You see, his own hometown was destroyed by the almost unprecedented Super-typhoon and he is yet to know the fate of many relatives. Sano did receive news his brother was alive — having spent the last two days gathering the bodies of the dead “with his own two hands”.

No doubt all that grief is affecting the poor sod’s judgement. No, if you want dispassionate commentary that would never exploit any tragedy to push an agenda, Andrew Bolt is your man.

And no doubt Andrew has already written a blog post pointing all this out. I can’t actually read his blog myself, due to doctor’s orders and a strict court injunction banning me from doing so after I slaughtered 183 innocent people last year in a tragic case of “Bolt-rage” after I accidently skimmed a post of his on racial discrimination.

But if you want to know what the extremist hippies are saying about him, you can read independent "journalist" Wendy Bacon responding to a Bolt blog post attacking her on the question of climate science.

Now, if you are one of those insensitive hippy pricks cruel enough to *politicise* such a tragedy but advocating action about its causes ... then: You can add your name to a call on rich nations take climate action. And you can donate to grassroots relief efforts, but be warned, these pricks out doing all they can to help the affected also point out climate change may just be a factor.

'Weather's been funny 30 years or so...' Corb Lund's almost haunting song on global warming may be a minature study based purely on southern Alberta in Canada, without the scenes of death and destruction that have become all too common, but its sense of unease based on emperical evidence of serious climate change is still eerily unnerving.

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

The Clicktavist Spam Template

I name no names. I think we all know.


Dear __________ (i)

Did you see the news?(ii) Our community(iii) is achieving some big things!(iv)

Please take 30 seconds to follow the link and send a message(v) so our government knows(vi) that we won’t let them do this in our name!(vii)

We can’t do this without you!(viii) Together(ix) we know can do it!(x)

Thanks for all that you do!(xi)

Barry, Sam, Jenny, Mariah, Micky, Babyface Vinnie, Jimmy The Hat, and Joey “Killer” Marconi(xii)


(i) Name to be inserted by computer program and most likely screwed up, undermining our pathetic attempt to appear genuinely chummy.

(ii) Some hack journo finally got sick of us calling and did a 300-word story on us -- crammed in between articles on Miley Cyrus’s relationship break up and one about a Kim Kardashian tweet -- which we are going to use to promote the illusion of our relevance.

(iii) A random collection of emails from people who once took 10 seconds out of their day to stop looking at cat gifs on tumblr to click “sign” on a petition they didn’t read and now get their inboxes spammed ten times a week.

(iv) Some scrap has been thrown our way that we can pretend is progress while on all the big points, the alliance of governments and huge corporations continues driving humanity towards total destruction. But that’s depressing. So here is something that happened that we can exaggerate to the point where our claims of progress become barefaced lies.

(v) Seriously, for fuck’s sake! It won’t even take 30 seconds you lazy pricks, we cannot have made it easier for you to cleanse your conscience with about two clicks of a fucking mouse so stop looking at cat gifs and/or porn and help us justify our existence!

(vi) Of course, the government also knows no one sending this message would ever vote for them in a trillion years if the alternatives were a slug and a rotten mango covered in swastikas.

(vii)The government has absolutely no intention of doing it in any of your names, you bloody idiots. They are taking all the credit for themselves.

(viii) It takes two to spam! Us to send the email and you to delete it!

(ix) See above.

(x) Assuming “it” is engaging in a deluded congratulatory wankfest.

(xi) Seriously is it *that hard* to click the link and press “send” you useless fuckers?

(xii) We are a bunch of 30-something failed student politicians who hate each other and just spent the past 20 minutes in a screaming match over who was responsible for failing to wash up the coffee mugs in the office sink. Also, some of us sound like gangsters.

To sum up that up, I am not sure why supporting progressive social change means you have to accept being patronised like a small child and feed bullshit.