The 6 Things You Should Never Say To A Psycopath

As anyone who has been near the internet at all in the past couple of years knows, some people in this world are introverts and others are extroverts. And both groups have their own special needs that only other introverts/extroverts could possibly understand.

But what about psychopaths? It can seem like our special nature and needs are all too often ignored.

This is not surprising when you consider all the negative portrayals of psychopaths coming out of Hollywood. What, with films ranging from American Psycho to Texas Chainsaw Massacre to the seemingly endless versions of Snow White (seriously, couldn't Hollywood manage to have at least one of them try to depict things from the Evil Queen's perspective???) it is no wonder psychopaths are so misunderstood and even feared!

No doubt you have many preconceived, and possibly quite wrong, notions about psychopaths -- that we are all mass murderers, torturers or CEO of major banks! I mean, it just isn't true -- some of us also run large oil companies!

Well you need worry no more! I have compiled this list to help you better understand and relate to the psycopaths in your life, and also increase your chances of staying alive! Yes, here are "The 6 Things You Should Never Say To A Psycopath"! Don't thank me, just buy me a beer sometime! Seriously! Just do it! Don't make me hurt you!


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1) "Why are you carrying that machete?"

Yes we know we are carrying a machete! And yes we know it is dripping in blood! This is because psychopaths find social interaction to be difficult and frustrating if we don't have some sort of deadly weapon at hand with which to brutally slaughter whoever we are talking to, should the need arise.

This is just one of the defence mechanisms we have to help us cope with the outside world. It doesn't make us lesser humans or mean we hate you. It just means we are constantly weighing up whether or not to slash your ugly face to pieces with our machete.

Healthy relationships are all about maintaining respect, so keep in mind that pointing to the deadly weapon in a psychopath's twitching hand is basically like asking a disabled person why they have a wheelchair or asking someone what their false leg is for. As well as rude, it will also likely shorten your life expectancy.


2) "Why do you kill people?"

Why do you ask stupid questions? Seriously, it might be well-intended, but asking this is almost guaranteed to offend/enrage a psychopath.

But basically, so you know, it is kinda how we recharge our batteries.

Imagine that every person has one cup of energy that can be emptied out and needs refilling. Generally, non-psychopaths find the act of brutally butchering another human being to be a draining activity, after which they will often need a decent rest or even a long holiday on an entirely different continent with a fake passport and new identity.

Psychopaths, on the other hand, find the act of slaughter to be an exhilarating and uplifting experience! It really gets the blood flowing (haha bad pun!)

Essentially, it gives us the energy we need to face another day on this truly godforsaken hellhole of a planet. Best to just get out of the way and leave us to it, if you know what is good for you.

3) "Where do you bury all the bodies?"

OK, now asking this is a pretty big "no-no". No psychopath will want to answer this one partly for some pretty obvious legal reasons and partly because each psychopath's burial ground is a deeply personal space. For many of us, the place we bury our victims is one of the few places we can ever really truly feel at peace.

Also, it can be hard to find a decent place to bury bodies and space is often at a premium. Asking this of a psychopath will just lead to us having one more dead body we have to find a place to hide and this will increase stress levels unnecessarily. So just be respectful and avoid this one. For your own sake.


4) "ARRRGGH!!! FUCK!!! YOU'RE SLASHING MY LIMBS! OH MY GOD THE PAIN!"

Yes, OK, we know. Sometimes we start hacking away at anyone in our general vicinity when we get anxious or upset. Often it happens if someone tries to ask us where bodies are buried. It is a spontaneous response and often we won't even realise we are doing it!

However, you highlighting the fact in a public situation is unlikely to help and will only raise levels of anxiety and/or murderous rage. The best procedure is to wait for a quiet moment to discreetly raise the matter with the psychopath in your life and explain, gently and very, very carefully, your negative feelings towards having your limbs hacked to pieces.

Assuming you are still alive, of course. Which is probably pretty unlikely, because if there is one thing you can say about us psychopaths, it is once we start hacking, we tend not to stop until your body is in small, easy-to-dispose-of pieces! Sorry, it's just how we are!

5) "You are under arrest."

This is definitely a very bad thing to say to any psychopath. It is about the most offensive thing you could say -- and yet amazingly, you'd be shocked at how many times I actually hear this said to me! Even in 2014, some people still seem to think this is acceptable!

And why does it always seems to be police officers?!? I don't know what it is, but I can tell you right now the police forces in this country are clearly long-overdue for some "psychopath sensitivity training". Honestly, you'd think some of them have never seen a blood-splattered psychopath standing over a dismembered corpse before!

This really is one sure way to guarantee more blood being spilled. If you say this one to a psychopath, don't expect to stay alive much longer. You've been warned!


6) "Hey, psycho!"

"Psychopath" is the proper name for people who suffer from the medical condition psychopathy, which is characterised by enduring antisocial behaviour, diminished empathy and remorse, and disinhibited or bold behavior. The term "psycho", however, is widely recognised by psychopaths as a negative slur.

Yes, a psychopath can, and sometimes will, call another psychopath a "psycho" -- often when engaged in a battle to the death over some prime corpse-burying territory. But for a non-psychopath to use the term is deeply offensive.

Other terms to avoid include "crazed killer", "deranged lunatic", "freak", "murderous fruitloop", "serial killer", "monster", "The Butcher", "blood-stained axe-wielding maniac", "The Spawn of Satan" or "The Very Personification of Pure Evil".

Also unacceptable are "the suspect", "the accused" or "the defendant" (see point five). 

Use of such terms is likely to lead to your brutal death and it is unlikely to be quick or painless. Of course, if you have a psychopath in your life, you will probably die a horrible death sooner or later anyway. But you can do your bit to ensure your last remaining time on Earth is as non-offensive to your almost-certain-to-be murderer as possible. We thank you in advance.

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OK, I hope that was useful, but if you wish to know more, I recommend these tracks about psychopaths and our culture. It is important to highlight those parts of popular culture treating psychoths with respect, so no I am not putting up any versions of Leon Payne's "Psycho" -- not even the Beasts of Bourbon's version despite Tex Perkin's fine vocal performance -- on grounds it uses the unacceptable "P" word.

I hope you enjoy the below tracks, however, featuring, somewhat unsurprisingly for anyone who has read more than one post on this blog, Tom Waits, Shovels and Rope and Alberta's finest country singer Corb Lund. DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PSYCHOPATH SONG? Suggest it in the comments.



'Cause there's nothin' strange about an axe with bloodstains in the barn. There's always some killin' you got to do around the farm...' Damn straight Tom! You tell 'em.




'She saw a thin man and a shadow make their way across the lawn ... And it'll be a long time before the sun shines on Shank Hill street again...' The South Carolina husband-and-wife duo's sensitive song by about a psychopath's sometimes strained relationship with their surrounding community.




'I ain’t got time to savour ‘em, I gotta drink ‘em quick
I’ve conveyed my urgency, I hope
If they catch me it’s all over, I’ll be way on up the creek
And I’ll be swingin’ on the wrong end of a rope'

Such a sad song by Canadian country singer Corb Lund! All about a psychopath from the American Wild West on the run from the law (does persecution of my kind ever stop?) who stops for a badly needed drink, only to be cruelly gunned down by the bar tender when he turns his back! I mean really, if you can't even trust your own bar tender who can you trust? Sad, sad song.

The NRA has a point, if you'll just get drunk enough to consider it properly

A lot of people have been greatly concerned about the seemingly never-ending spate of mass shootings in the Land of the Free.

Well, I think we can all say, after Friday's thought-provoking press conference, the NRA has got the whole "insane spate of shootings thing" (with more than 100 shooting deaths in the week *after* the Sandy Hook massacre) well covered. It took the time to avoid knee-jerk politicised reactions, and instead came up with a calm and sensible solution: militarise every school in the country.

Rather than *ridiculous* attempts to restrict access to semi-automatic weapons designed for mass killings of the sort Sandy Hook shooter Adam Lanza used -- let alone deal with their fucked up system, whose military slaughters children oversees, and which alienates people at home and fails to give them health care -- the NRA knows what is really needed: Armed cops in every school -- and principals and teachers also armed and trained to kill.

Now I realise that might, at first, seem a bit mad. It is, after all, a call to steadfastly *refuse* to make it harder for psychos to get hold of instruments of mass death, but rather put more instruments of death in every school.

But I promise you, if you think it through while consuming a full vat of bourbon... especially if you mix that with some powerful mescaline... then, at the end of that, I think you'll find the NRA starts to make some real sense. Give it a go, you'll see what I mean.

Coz, sure it failed to stop the Columbine massacre, in which 12 students and one teacher were shot to death despite an armed guard at the school, but that's just coz the armed deputy was not given access to depleted uranium-tipped missiles to fire from a shoulder-held rocket-launcher. Or a decent supply of white phosphourous. And he suffered from the *catastrophic absence* of a giant Death Ray.

Just think about it! If it wasn't for the fucking bleeding heart liberal Big Government fascists in Washington denying American schools such heavy weaponry, then we would see a drop in violent incidents for SURE!

More or less. There might be *some* hiccups, like that described by @SarahbaxterSTM, who tweeted: "Armed guards at school? My kids actually had one in the US. He shot his teacher ex-girlfriend and was shot by police." But look, no system is perfect.

And if you read the full transcript of the NRA press conference, actually look beyond all the sensationalist headlines from the biased press about how all the NRA can propose to stop gun violence is even *more* guns, you will see some very important analysis on what *actually* causes mass shootings.

It is not the guns. Or the bullets. It is "violent video games", "blood-soaked films" and music videos that "portray murder as a way of life". It is really not so hard to see if you are willing to think about it, particularly if you have also consumed huge quantities of mild-alterting substances: fictional depictions of violence cause violence, not the actual real instruments of violence that are actually used in real life to cause violence.

The NRA also pointed out it was impossible to stop killers, "given our nation’s refusal to create an active national database of the mentally ill". Finally, SOMEONE has the courage to come out and SAY what we ALL FEEL: anyone with mental health problems is a menace to society who, far from treated, should be feared and demonised.

And once more, the NRA comes up with a *practical* solution, not just more sensationalist headlines -- create a national database, a proposal that would, if I might make a humble addition, be assisted by making all those with mental health issues wear Yellow Stars in public. That way, the armed guards will know who to aim for.

And has anyone *really* thought through the consequences of banning these assault weapons? I mean, check out this ad for the semi-automatic rifle, made by gun corporation Bushmasters, that Adam Lanza used to shoot dead 20 six-and-seven-year-old children.

You can't just go around banning these things! How would our "man cards" get reissued? We wouldn't be able to tell men from boys, not without making every male walk around without pants to see whether or not they had gone through puberty and that is just really fucking creepy. What a freaky nightmare society these liberal sickos want to create!

And how would Americans defend their homes? I mean, here in Australia, it is terrible! All over the country, innocent citizens are being slaughtered in their beds every night, in THEIR THOUSANDS, and everyone of them, their dying words before evil monsters bash their brains out, is a screamed: "IF ONLY BUSHMASTER WERE ALLOWED TO SELL HIGH-POWERED SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEAPONS OF THE SORT CAPABLE OF GUNNING DOWN DOZENS OF YOUNG CHIDLREN IN SECONDS...BUT NO, THE GOVERNMENT TOOK MY 'MAN CARD' AWAY AND NOW... OH NO... AAAARRGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Bushmaster's website points out: "Whether it's helping soldiers secure our freedom, protecting a police officer in the line of duty, keeping families safe and sound, hunting big game, or bringing home a coveted competition trophy, we understand the important role that Bushmaster plays in the lives of our customers. That's why, for us, building rifles and carbines is more than a job-it's a passion."

And passion, we can all agree, is important. But surely Adam Lanza's sharp shooting should not be forgotten! And while it was a pretty impressive individual effort, not for nothing do Bushmaster boast that "the quality materials, quality control and craftsmanship we build into every Bushmaster rifle give it the potential for exceptional accuracy".

AND YET NOT A WORD ON THEIR WEBSITE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE HUGE GLOBAL MEDIA ATTENTION ON THE ACHIVEMENTS OF ONE THEIR PRIZED CREATIONS, INSPIRED BY SUCH PASSION!

Really, their marketing department has not got their eye on the ball. They are letting a huge opportunity to demonstrate the brilliance of their merchandise slide right past -- almost as if they are *ashamed* to highlight the role of one of their own products!

Some might say, was it really a *fair* demonstration of its capabalities? After all, while *Lanza* was armed with this powerful, accurate, just plain FINE AND LET'S FACE IT KINDA SEXY speciman of a mass killing machine, it was NOT exactly a fair fight from the perspective of the 20 kids he killed.

Bushmaster understands. That is why, under the subheading of "Junior Corner", they point out: "The NRA Advanced Junior Shooting Camp provide an excellent opportunity to hone your rifle shooting skills."

(The young sporting shooter/mass murderer can check out the NRA's youth progams via links helpfully provided by the Bushmaster's site.)

And really, if not for all those fucking bleeding heart liberal Big Government fascists in Washington who think six-year-old kids should be denied access to high-powered assault weapons, then this terrible tragedy might have been avoided. If there is one lesson from these terrible events, it must surely be ARM THE KIDDIES!




'Children have a right to guns!' Here, enjoy 'Arm Your Children', a song from Montreal punk band Schlonk from 1990! I found it by puytting 'arm children' into YouTube's search engine! ENJOY! BUY ME A BEER SOMETIME! GO ON, YOU CAN DO IT VIA THE PAY PAL DONATE BUTTON ON THE RIGHT!