Wednesday, August 19, 2020

The Footy Frenzy has ended but you don't have to wait till Friday to enjoy the commentary!

We are all upset at the temporary end of the AFL's "Footy Frenzy", where by 33 games were played in just 20 days! And while the AFL is back on Friday, and another bout of frenzied game playing isn't far away, it has still left a gaping hole at the very centre of human civilisation.

Worse, it's left us with little to distract us from an out-of-control pandemic with no obvious end point, ecological collapse and Sydney FC winning the A-League premiership for a record fifth time, which has been set out in all known religious texts as the clearest signal of the End Times.

The loss is far less watching mediocre games whose results are beyond doubt by half time, with the few close games largely due to both sides finding ways to fail to kick goals with a level of skill previously only seen on the Australian left. 

No, we all miss the Channel 7 commentary. So, having provided a basic script last week to allow people to not have to watch the game to get their shot of "BT action", I post a new script below so you don't have to miss out.


Both sides have everything to play for

And we’re away!

Great second touch

Touch wasn't clean enough

Beaten by the boundary line

[obscure stat]

It's pretty even around the stoppages

Almost a throw

He's normally a good kick


Not his best effort there

And that's not a good kick

And he slots it through

They set sail again

Just bundled him out the way

A bobbling ball

And that's a miracle goal!

[Blokey banter -- "You'd have got that one wouldn't you Kingo?" "Oh not sure about that Bingo, I reckon he's been practicising those in his back yard"]

Happy to take a bit of time

They're just slowing things down

They're travelling well

[obscure stat]

And just a minor score

They're keeping them in it

Bundled him out the way

He's found the boundary line

Defence doing their job

Some friendly fire

They're grimly defending

Great effort not to give away the free

They've have done all the scoring this quarter

Hugging the boundary line

And it's touched on the line

[obscure stat]

It's within his range

He's missed the mark by a fair margin

Got the better of him that time

Served it up to him on a plate

He needed a kind bounce

He just holds it up

Oh! He felt that!

[blokey banter like "I reckon you know about hits like that eh Kingo" "Oh I don't know about that Bingo, but I reckon I copped a couple of them from you back in the day" (blokely laughter all round)]

It's a real arm wrestle

It's evenly poised here

And they hit the front!

This game's got everything!

He's taken a screamer!

And the goal umpire doesn't move!

Don't go anywhere!

Might have got away with one

Clever use of the footy

And they are back in front!

Who's gonna stand tall?

Heard the umpires call, he's gotta go.

Happy to see it over

[obscure stat]

They stream forward

Just blazes away

A bit of an up and under

Crowd getting a little restless

He's battling hard

A lot of time on the clock

[obscure state]

They've started to even up the numbers around the ball

This will be interesting!

Goes across the face

He'll be disappointed in that

They've just got a sniff here

A low scoring affair

Just over a goal in it

He's missed a sitter!

It's a chaos ball

They've just gotta go here

[obscure stat]

Bounces unkindly

Kicks into space

He should have swallowed that

The next five minutes crucial

There's a bit of feeling in this

[Blokey banter about how "Kingo" didnt mind a bit of a push and shove in their day.]

And who else!

You wouldn't expect anything different from him!

They're hunting in packs!

They're just hanging around

They've clawed their way back into it

And they can go!

And he's picked his pocket

And he makes no mistake!

That's what makes this game so great!

And didn't the crowd love it!

That was on the back of some forward pressure

This game just keeps delivering!

To ice the game..

And that'll just about do it!

What a great advertisement for our game

There are a lot take aways from this tonight

...will be very happy to walk away with four points

As for... it's back to the drawing board!

Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti playing footy
Making it into contests when you're thinking that he couldn't
Arms like Arnie and hair like the predator
Just when you thought he couldn't get any better-e



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