If you are anything like me, you'd have
greeted the news on Thursday morning that X Factor judge "Redfoo" had
been glassed in an incident at a Double Bay hotel the night before with a
resounding "who the FUCK is Redfoo?" followed rapidly by "WHY the fuck is Redfoo???"
Now I
don't in any way endorse the glassing of Redfoo, I really don't. For three
simple reasons:
1)
Glassing is a barbaric practice.
2) I
am against violence in pubs on principle due to the unacceptably high risk of booze
getting spilt.
3) It
means I now know who the fuck Redfoo is.
Of
the three, the last is unquestionably the worst. I have long been aware I was
not exactly "in touch" with much of mainstream popular culture, but
never, until I learned of Redfoo's existence, have I been so grateful for that
fact.
Now,
it is not nice to glass someone. It really isn't. And sure, while you might say
anyone who hangs out in Double Bay probably had it coming, it is still pretty
damn unseemly, to say the least.
And
yet... and yet...
I just cannot help but think... I mean...
come on... who among us has not, at some point in our lives, wanted to glass a
reality TV talent show judge? I call any prick that tries to deny that a
goddamn LIAR!
I
mean *sure*, I'll agree, as was pointed out to me in a discussion on Facebook,
that if you are gonna glass one of these bastards, then Kyle Sandilands is
without question the most obvious and deserving target... but, then again, by
all accounts Kyle was not in the pub!
(Also, by all accounts, Kyle is gonna die soon anyway so why waste a decent glass?)
Admitting that is not in anyway to endorse the actual act, but you know, before
we rush to condemn the attacker, let us all recall Jesus's wise words -- that
before we judge another, we should try walking a mile in their shoes.
I
mean, we might not approve of this bloke's methods, but if we found ourselves
15 schooners the worse and suddenly our goddamn pub was taken over by some
prick with really stupid hair, ridiculous oversized glasses WITH NO LENSES IN
THEM and some variety of costume a drunken five-year-old would feel embarrassed
to be seen in ... well COME ON! Who among us can honestly say that, faced with
the sheer HORROR of it all, in a sudden desire to be rid of the SMUG,
PRETENTIOUS and TOTALLY TALENTLESS SHIT THAT HAS SUDDENY ENVELOPED OUR PUB... we may not have decided to take matters in hand?
It is wrong to do so. Of course it is. But that doesn't mean you can't understand where the impetus comes from.
It is wrong to do so. Of course it is. But that doesn't mean you can't understand where the impetus comes from.
Redfoo.
I don't know why... any of it... either.
See,
in researching this blog post (the sacrifices I make), I now know FAR MORE
about Stefan
Kendal Gordy, who for some truly inexplicable reason calls himself
"Redfoo", than I ever wanted.
It is
not just the fake glasses or dumb costumes, this is a guy who is famous coz he
is the son of someone who meant something in popular culture --
the guy who founded Motown Record Company -- and whose own contribution has been to form some
horrific group called "LFMAO" (get it???) with his nephew.
And
yes, as research, I actually subjected myself to some insanely ridiculous
clips, like the one below.
He's
sexy and he knows it.
I
even watched a full performance of one his "songs". Warning: it
features the opening ones: "The Foo! The Foo!"
'The
Foo! The Foo!'
Further
lines include: "I'm laid-back! I'm feelin
this! Tonight's the night and I just wanna let it go! Hit the play back, I
know your feelin this, c'mon baby, lets get ridiculous!"
The Foo continues:
And I love to dance, this be the beat that'll shake ya pants
Shake ya pants, yeah take a chance, and if ya can't move
ya feet then wave ya hands
Wanna know a lil something bout me? (Hey!) I was born to rock
the party
I was born to rock your body, I'm fresh, I'm slick, I'm ladi
dadi, oh!
OH YEAH BABY!!!
But The Foo goes on!!! I
know what you're thinking! You're thinking: "Where can The Foo go from
here??? He has NAILED the whole 'It is a party and I like parties' thing. .. Surely there is LITERALLY NOTHING else any grown adult could possibly
want to say on the topic???"
But that is where you'd be wrong! For the Foo explains:
But that is where you'd be wrong! For the Foo explains:
All the time I be seeing you
at school,
And you so fine I just had
to play it cool
You blow my mind, all the
crazy things you do
I see that you wanna act a
fool so baby, lets get ridiculous!
YEAH! HE BE SEEING YOU AT
SCHOOL!!! That is like really cool and not in any way creepy
despite the fact that "The Foo" actually like turns 39 in September
and, if he was at school, it would be as the geography teacher, the gardener and/or the local peodophile.
I
mean, just watch as much as this clip below as you can stomach and then see if
it is any mystery HOW Redfoo ended up glassed.
'You
could be my new thang'
Now I
know the justification for all this is it is deliberately and consciously
cheesy and knowingly OTT.
Except I think "The Foo" plays the
"let's make it really bad and pretend it is a joke" card... because
he is actually just really bad.
And I
don’t think his sexism is some sort of ironic act. I just think he is really
sexist. Because, on available evidence, "thang" is literally how
Redfoo refers to women. So for instance, when he was glassed he was, by various
accounts, surrounded by a number of women. But not by his own
account.
No,
by his own account, he was "sitting in the back area with my mates, surrounded
by some thangs". You get it? Some “thangs"!!! IE: SOME
WOMEN!!! THIS GUY IS A CHARMER!!!
Did I
mention the guy has no lenses in his glasses?
The
Foo took to twitter not long after the attack to claim: "Jealousy is a
hell of a drug."
Look,
maybe. But also, Redfoo, maybe you are also just some middle-aged man in a band
with your own fucking nephew who wears stupid glasses and performs totally
creepy songs with sexually suggestive lyrics involving school students.
Doesn’t mean you deserve to be glassed,
maybe. But also, maybe you probably don’t deserve to be on national TV and also...
let’s be frank.... you should probably not be left unattended around young female
school students. I mean, I am just going by your own words here, dude.
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