A couple of months ago, I reported, with a mixture of anger and melancholic despair, that my attempts to take advantage of the collapse of capitalism to encourage the mass suicide of the global ruling class had not been a success.
It seems the rich had been hiring therapists to cope with the realisation that their system was a total fucking disaster and their own insatiable greed — having wrecked havoc on the entire plant — had finally toppled them as well.
Surely it couldn't last. With the International Monetary Fund predicting a second Great Depression, surely no fucker headquack could be that good to talk the thieves and pirates who go by the name "Captains of Industry" out of the depressing realisation that, yes, it *is* actually *entirely* their fault.
As is global poverty and the impeding destruction of all life on Earth.
Well, I am pleased to report, finally some of the fucking mongrels are showing a little backbone and choosing to jump. In front of trains, the be precise.
Today, I heard the good news that German billionaire Adolf Merkel had jumped in front of a train.
How many lives of people unable to access life-saving medicines due to their exorbitant cost, thanks to the likes of pharmaceutical drug barons like the now-deceased Adolf Merkel, could that amount have saved?
I was happy, but cautious. As we all know, one beer does not make a decent binge drinking session. Would it catch?
I was ecstatic when, hours later, a second suicide was reported. Stephen Good. Body was found in his red jaguar. Article doesn't report on the colour of his absurdly priced luxury status-symbol before he put a gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.
Good was a major US real estate agent. Is there seriously a soul out there who dares argue the world is not a better place without the likes of him?
Good news indeed, it could well be catching.
A Sydney Morning Herald article puts the total tally since the beginning of the end for capitalism at four.
We have Kirk Stephenson, millionaire head of a British private equity house, who also leaped in front of a train.
And then there is "aristocratic French fund manager" Rene-Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet, who slashed his wrists. This is progress, as in the old days revolutionaries had to do the slashing when it came to French aristocrats.
His investment firm lost US$1.4 billion in the Bernard Madoff scam.
"What's the point of being rich, if you don't know what to do with it, coz you're too bleeding thick", as Jarvis Cocker once pointed out.
Now, four deahts is a start, but let's not get carried away. We all know that four beers ALSO does not make a binge drinking session, Kevin Rudd not withstanding. But the news is promising.
If we are lucky, come February, the entire lot of the parasitical scum might have eradicated themselves, leaving us to a new life of constructing a post-capitalist utopia and getting pissed a lot.
There is a long road ahead, but today's news is cause for celebration. I know I am drinking right now.
Oh yeah, and FUCK ISRAEL.
Jarvis Cocker reminds us of the need to stay firm — we have not won yet.