I'm so sorry for what I did. Here, have some Shovels and Rope and Hayes Carll to make up for it

You know, it's hard to admit when you are wrong. Luckily for me, then, that I wasn't.

However, it is true that my last post was about that strange and disturbing "celebrity" called (for what I am sure is some horrific reason) "Redfoo" and I did fail to provide a "trigger warning".

Now, as part of my research for that post, I subjected myself to some of the clips for Redfoo's "songs" and, believing pain shared is pained doubled, felt it was only fair readers also had the chance to have their faith in the future of humanity decimanted by posting the clips as part of the post.

It had to be done. I am sorry, but it did. THE WORLD HAD TO KNOW! But I am truly sorry for any suffering my actions caused.

To make it up to my huge number of readers, fans and fanatical followers, I hearby provide some brain-cleansing music from two of the greatest acts on God's Own Earth -- Shovels and Rope and Hayes Carll.

I have ranted on the glories of both on this blog at some point. Hayes Carll is the brilliant country singer-songwriter from Houston, Texas who has never written a bad song. He is your classic drunken and slightly dishevelled troubadour, staggering from gig to gig with various degrees of facial hair, singing songs alternately witty and heartbreakingly beautiful.

Hayes has increasingly made a name for himself in the US with the sheer quality of his songwriting and performances, but he is not well-enough known in this country by any measure. I saw him in Sydney a couple of years ago with maybe 100 others, max, and he was stunningly brilliant.

Also, this beer can from the US reads 'To Carlo, love Hayes' and was sent to me by DonnaCat, my friend/only person I know from Arizona, who got him to sign it after a gig. It may be the most valuable thing I own.

Shovels and Rope... well... they are another act getting increasing well-deserved attention and critical acclaim. They are the truly glorious husband-and-wife duo of Cary Ann Hearst and Michael Trent, both established performers before joining forces -- Hearst a country singer, Trent heading a rock'n'roll band. Together... they are something else.

With the pair alternating between guitar and drums, their music is ragged, rowdy, rough-edged and earthy. It is filled with raw energy and features absolutely beautiful harmonies. That combination -- of the raw earthiness of their frill-free recordings (their breakthrough album O' Be Joyful was recorded in the back of their van while they travelled around gigging endlessly), with the beauty of their harmonies raises their tales of low-life desperados, murderers and battlers to a whole other level.

Listening to Shovels and Rope is one of those all-too-rare experiences in this godforsaken world -- it actually makes me feel happy. They are so good, I feel like crying when I hear them.

There are, of course, countless labels thrown on their music -- from "Americana" to a wide range of subgenres ending in "-folk" or "-country". It is the kinda thing they take up in a good-natured way in their song Cavalier.

But all that really matters is Shovels and Rope are how music should sound, a reminder that late monopoly capitalism has not, despite its best efforts, snuffed out all talent or enthusiastic energy out of popular music.

They have also just released a great new album called "Swimmin' Time" and there is a documentary I am desperate to see about them called "The Ballad of Shovels and Rope". Tragically, I also have no beer can signed by either half of Shovels and Rope.

So here are the clips. One Shovels and Rope song as a taste, then a clip of an extended live performance, then the formula is repeated for Hayes Carll.

AND THEN THERE IS A *TOM WAITS* BONUS!!! I KINOW RIGHT??? A TOM WAITS BONUS!!! Yes, clips of Shovels and Rope and Hayes Carll each covering a Tom Waits song live!


***

Shovels and Rope!!!

'We're hanging here within an inch of our lives, from the day we're born till the day we die...'

'I love you like gunpowder loves a good spark...' Just one of the great lines...

***

Hayes Carll!!!

'Ah, some people just gunna sneak on through, others gotta rattle that cage...'




"I'm gunna leave these blues behind, for some other fool to find...' HA! As if Hayes! As if.



TOM WAITS BONUS!!!




'You're the letter from Jesus on the bathroom wall, you're Mother Superior in only a bra...' Shovels and Rope cover the title track from Tom Waits' most recent album.




'When I see the five o'clock news, I don't wanna grow up...' Hayes' covers Tom's classic from his 1992 album Bone Machine.


EXTRA EXTRA BONUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I know what you are thinking! The Tom Waits Bonus is just AWESOME surely there is NOTHING ELSE AWESOME to give us???

Well... indeed there is an extra bonus after the first extra bonus! And that is... a "duet" between Hayes Carll and Shovel and Rope's Cary Ann Hearst!!! I KNOW RIGHT??? HOW MINDBLOWING AWESOME IS THAT??????????




'You were falling like the Alamo, talking fast and drinking slow...' This duet was featured on Hayes Carll's 2011 album KMAG YOYO.

No need to thank me for all this, world. Just buy me a beer some time. No, seriously, BUY ME A BEER I AM REALLY FUCKING THIRSTY!

Wow! You are kidding me! A reality TV show judge got glassed??? Who'd have guessed?

If you are anything like me, you'd have greeted the news on Thursday morning that X Factor judge "Redfoo" had been glassed in an incident at a Double Bay hotel the night before with a resounding "who the FUCK is Redfoo?" followed rapidly by "WHY the fuck is Redfoo???"

Now I don't in any way endorse the glassing of Redfoo, I really don't. For three simple reasons:

1) Glassing is a barbaric practice.

2) I am against violence in pubs on principle due to the unacceptably high risk of booze getting spilt.

3) It means I now know who the fuck Redfoo is.

Of the three, the last is unquestionably the worst. I have long been aware I was not exactly "in touch" with much of mainstream popular culture, but never, until I learned of Redfoo's existence, have I been so grateful for that fact.

Now, it is not nice to glass someone. It really isn't. And sure, while you might say anyone who hangs out in Double Bay probably had it coming, it is still pretty damn unseemly, to say the least.

And yet... and yet...

I just cannot help but think... I mean... come on... who among us has not, at some point in our lives, wanted to glass a reality TV talent show judge? I call any prick that tries to deny that a goddamn LIAR!

I mean *sure*, I'll agree, as was pointed out to me in a discussion on Facebook, that if you are gonna glass one of these bastards, then Kyle Sandilands is without question the most obvious and deserving target... but, then again, by all accounts Kyle was not in the pub!

(Also, by all accounts, Kyle is gonna die soon anyway so why waste a decent glass?)

Admitting that is not in anyway to endorse the actual act, but you know, before we rush to condemn the attacker, let us all recall Jesus's wise words -- that before we judge another, we should try walking a mile in their shoes.

I mean, we might not approve of this bloke's methods, but if we found ourselves 15 schooners the worse and suddenly our goddamn pub was taken over by some prick with really stupid hair, ridiculous oversized glasses WITH NO LENSES IN THEM and some variety of costume a drunken five-year-old would feel embarrassed to be seen in ... well COME ON! Who among us can honestly say that, faced with the sheer HORROR of it all, in a sudden desire to be rid of the SMUG, PRETENTIOUS and TOTALLY TALENTLESS SHIT THAT HAS SUDDENY ENVELOPED OUR PUB... we may not have decided to take matters in hand?

It is wrong to do so. Of course it is. But that doesn't mean you can't understand where the impetus comes from.

 Redfoo. I don't know why... any of it... either.

See, in researching this blog post (the sacrifices I make), I now know FAR MORE about Stefan Kendal Gordy, who for some truly inexplicable reason calls himself "Redfoo", than I ever wanted.

It is not just the fake glasses or dumb costumes, this is a guy who is famous coz he is the son of someone who meant something in popular culture -- the guy who founded Motown Record Company -- and whose own contribution has been to form some horrific group called "LFMAO" (get it???) with his nephew.

And yes, as research, I actually subjected myself to some insanely ridiculous clips, like the one below.

 

He's sexy and he knows it.

I even watched a full performance of one his "songs". Warning: it features the opening ones: "The Foo! The Foo!"

 

'The Foo! The Foo!'

Further lines include: "I'm laid-back! I'm feelin this! Tonight's the night and I just wanna let it go! Hit the play back, I know your feelin this, c'mon baby, lets get ridiculous!"

The Foo continues:

And I love to dance, this be the beat that'll shake ya pants

Shake ya pants, yeah take a chance, and if ya can't move ya feet then wave ya hands

Wanna know a lil something bout me? (Hey!) I was born to rock the party

I was born to rock your body, I'm fresh, I'm slick, I'm ladi dadi, oh!

OH YEAH BABY!!! 

But The Foo goes on!!! I know what you're thinking! You're thinking: "Where can The Foo go from here??? He has NAILED the whole 'It is a party and I like parties' thing. .. Surely there is LITERALLY NOTHING else any grown adult could possibly want to say on the topic???"

But that is where you'd be wrong! For the Foo explains:

All the time I be seeing you at school, 

And you so fine I just had to play it cool

You blow my mind, all the crazy things you do

I see that you wanna act a fool so baby, lets get ridiculous!

YEAH! HE BE SEEING YOU AT SCHOOL!!! That is like really cool and not in any way creepy despite the fact that "The Foo" actually like turns 39 in September and, if he was at school, it would be as the geography teacher, the gardener and/or the local peodophile.

I mean, just watch as much as this clip below as you can stomach and then see if it is any mystery HOW Redfoo ended up glassed.

 

'You could be my new thang'

Now I know the justification for all this is it is deliberately and consciously cheesy and knowingly OTT.

Except I think "The Foo" plays the "let's make it really bad and pretend it is a joke" card... because he is actually just really bad.

And I don’t think his sexism is some sort of ironic act. I just think he is really sexist. Because, on available evidence, "thang" is literally how Redfoo refers to women. So for instance, when he was glassed he was, by various accounts, surrounded by a number of women. But not by his own account.

No, by his own account, he was "sitting in the back area with my mates, surrounded by some thangs". You get it? Some “thangs"!!! IE: SOME WOMEN!!! THIS GUY IS A CHARMER!!!

Did I mention the guy has no lenses in his glasses?

The Foo took to twitter not long after the attack to claim: "Jealousy is a hell of a drug."

Look, maybe. But also, Redfoo, maybe you are also just some middle-aged man in a band with your own fucking nephew who wears stupid glasses and performs totally creepy songs with sexually suggestive lyrics involving school students.

Doesn’t mean you deserve to be glassed, maybe. But also, maybe you probably don’t deserve to be on national TV and also... let’s be frank.... you should probably not be left unattended around young female school students. I mean, I am just going by your own words here, dude.