Tuesday, October 06, 2015

Sorry America... you don't do political scandal properly

Did you hear the one about the Senate candidate from Florida who ritually slaughtered a goat and drank it's blood?

Two years ago, Augustus Sol Invictus walked from central Florida to the Mojave Desert and spent a week fasting and praying, at times thinking he wouldn't survive. In a pagan ritual to give thanks when he returned home, he killed a goat and drank its blood. 
Now that he's a candidate for U.S. Senate, the story is coming back to bite him. 
The chairman of the Libertarian Party of Florida has resigned to call attention to Invictus' candidacy in hopes that other party leaders will denounce him. Adrian Wyllie, who was the Libertarian candidate for governor last year, says Invictus wants to lead a civil war, is trying to recruit neo-Nazis to the party and brutally and sadistically dismembered a goat.

Yeah, I know. Whatever.

This is a year when it was revealed British Prime Minister David Cameron skull-fucked a dead pig to join a perverted secret society of the English elite at a prestigious university. The United States of America is going have to try just a little bit harder in "politicians doing disturbing things to animals" if it really wants the world's attention.
 
America, I know you're feeling insecure about China taking your whole thing of rising to become an economic powerhouse only suffer a dramatic crash, and Russia stealing your whole "bombing the Middle East and getting sucked into chaotic quagmire" stunt, but, frankly, you're starting to look desperate.

I mean, this guy isn't even elected to any office. He was only a candidate for a minor, fringe party unlikely to win. And, according to all press reports I have found, NO ONE EVEN ACCUSES HIM OF SEXUALLY ASSAULTING THE DEAD ANIMAL!

Now I admit, it would be a pretty big story if he had fucked a dead goat, even being merely a candidate forr a fringge party, because few stories are as attention grabbing as a good goat-fucking tale. But he just drank it blood and, that is a little distasteful but at the end of the day there is no getting away from the sheer bald fact that HE DIDN'T FUCK THE GOAT.

Get back to us, America, when this clown learns how to actually fuck a dead goat.

What's more, the ritual sacrifice and blood drinking was done for religious purposes, because the would-be senator is a pagan. Cameron, on the other hand, is, as are all decent Eton-educated British Prime Ministers, an Anglican.

And unless I've severely misread my Bible, there is nothing in Jesus's Sermon on the Mount or in the Ten Commandments as dictated by the Lord Himself to Moses about getting a dead pig's head and then inserting your penis so as to simulate oral sex while smashed out of your brain and surrounded by a gaggle of other drunken, cheering toffs dressed like penguins.

It does, for the record, state in Leviticus 11:7 that the pig is "unclean" and, by implication, should not be eaten. But it is silent on the matter of whether or not it displeases God to have a pig eat you.

Even the really disturbing things about Invictus -- the allegations he is actually a fascist who wants to start a civil war --   is nowhere near as disturbing as the really disturbing things about Cameron.

David Cameron, as British PM, actually heads an increasingly fascistic state looking more and more like piece of theatre from The George Orwell Appreciation Society's annual production all while overseeing a brutal class war that kills people, while also protecting and promoting the corporate interests that are pursuing activities climate scientists have been screaming at us for decades now to STOP FOR GOD'S SAKE despite the growing evidence that not stopping is severely screwing us potentially to the point of no return as even those same corporate interests themselves know full well.

And he fucked a dead pig. David Cameron wins.

'LOL! This brings back my uni days!'

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