Sunday, December 23, 2012

And now available embedded on this blog -- Carlo Sands' stand up clip for Five Minutes Live online competition! WOW! THANK YOU CARLO!

This is the clip of most of my five-minute performance at Comedy at the Rox from November. It was filmed, and posted, by Five Minutes Live -- which is a Sydney-based online stand-up comedy competition for amateur comics.

It runs till next September, and the competition is based on which clip gets the most "likes". (To "like" a clip you gotta actually go to the site and sign in. It only takes a few seconds and they don't spam you, it is just to prevent repeat voting).

And the prize... *now this is the key thing from my perspective* ... the prize is FIVE GRAND! THAT IS A SHITLOAD OF BEER!!!

AND YOU CAN WIN FIVE GRAND TOO!!! FOR BEST "COMMENT" UNDER THE CLIPS!!! And I read a few of 'em, nost of em up so far aren't exactly Oscar Wilde. I AM SURE YOU COULD WIN IT!!!

Now, I am not going to pretend this whole thing is perfect -- or even close to it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am *thrilled* they filmed and posted the clip ... *BUT*... I feel I CANNOT let Five Minute Live's terrible act of political censorship in editing my set go unchallenged... THEY CUT THE LAST JOKE ABOUT NOT WEARING PANTS!!! Everyone who knows me will tell you, the right to not wear pants is VERY important to me! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!

I raised it in the comment section under my clip and the bastards came back with some mealy-mouthed defence of "we don't censor anything" and "it was cut to fit the five-minute timeframe" ... YEAH WELL YOU CAN'T USE YOUR BUREAUCRATIC RED-TAPE TO SILENCE CARLO SANDS! I posted the censored joke there and I post it here, for the WHOLE WORLD TO READ!!!

Here it is: "[The Adelaide bus ticket] says 'Your smile is the most important thing you wear'! No. No, no, no, no, no. That is NOT EVEN LEGALLY ACCURATE! I think you'll find the cops usually insist on pants at the very least.

"And I can tell you from my own experience, that if you are standing there, not wearing pants, GRINNING at a cop... it really doesn't help. IF ANYTHING, it only makes things worse!"


Also, don't forget to sign in and click like if you liked it. If you didn't... ah, forget I said anything. No need to waste your time signing in to "dislike" or leaving a nasty comment... Just have a beer and forget about it, yeah? Here is a Hayes Carll song, just to show I love you all.

'I'm knocking over whiskey, no one's laughing at my jokes. They got me spinning round in circles, like a tin can in the spokes. When I left town this morning, with a smile upon my face, oh babe I swear I never knew I'd end up in this place.'

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