Thursday, December 04, 2008

We are a majority; plus booze cheaper than water? I take back bad things said about the British...

Well NSW Premier Nathan Rees seems determined to continue his assault on drinkers.

His government's latest brainwave - because clearly fixing the actual problems in this state is just too big a task - is a lockout of drinkers at 2am. To stop alcohol-related violence.

Great idea. Throw drunks onto the streets simultaneously at the same time. That will do wonders for reducing anti-social behaviour.

For a government on the verge of total collapse, struggling to survive against a tidal wave of public hatred, this is a strange move indeed.

The reason is simple.

Binge drinkers make a decisive majority in this state. A poll in the Daily Telegraph, fountain of all truth, proves it.

A poll it carried out revealed the obvious: "Almost two thirds of Sydneysiders are regular binge drinkers".

Be careful, Mr Rees. Binge drinkers vote.

And, as we usually vote hungover, we are especially grumpy.

Take us on at your peril.

In other news, regular readers will note I said some things that were less than flattering about the British in a previous post.

It has been brought to my attention that there is actually certain aspects to the Mother Country far more progressive than I had imagined.

True, the old Empire committed genocide wherever they set foot on land, sure they continue this proud tradition in Iraq and Afghan, and it cannot be denied (except by the British legal system) that they stole an entire nation from its inhabitants so the Yanks could have a military base in the Indian Ocean from which to bomb the uncivilised in the Middle East.

However, their supermarkets also sell brand-name alcohol cheaper than water.

A thoroughly progressive measure when you consider the severity of water shortages in many parts of the globe.

It may be argued they have to drink more than the rest of us to cope with being British, but I say regardless, it is to be applauded on environmental grounds.

In fact, water shortages are a major problem for Australian cities. It may be argued that the biggest problem is big water guzzling corporations that pay fuck-all for the privilege.

That may be true. But it is still imperative that we all do out bit.

This blog demands similar measures be adopted in this country.

And not simply for reasons of water conservation alone.

Yet another news report brings more disturbing news. Investigating Australia's "booze wars", provoked by the government's attack on "binge-drinking culture", the Associated Press reveals disturbing news that reveals the true situation of Australia's useage of alcohol is far worse than the government imagined:

"Figures from the Australian Bureau of Statistics and the Distilled Spirits Industry Council of Australia say the country's per capita consumption fell in the 1990s and has held steady since."

That's right. In fact, Australia ranks a mere 34th in the world! We rank better at the Olympics for fuck's sake!

What the fuck is wrong with this country? We used to be proud to drink like a fish, not swim like one.

What is the point in swimming down one end of a pool, just to turn around and do it again? Jesus christ, if it was really that important to swim down to the other end of the pool in the first place, at least take the time to stop and celebrate with a drink to make it worth your while.

Seriously, people hail Australian medal-winning swimmers. I say they bring our nation into disrepute.

We even drink less than the British, according to the World Health Organization.

And no wonder, when they can by discounted home-brand booze "for as little as 23p per can", while with ever increasing prices and heavy taxation, to have a decent session these days requires Australians to take out a mortgage.

Oh the shame of it all!

Of course, I don't want to claim all is fine and dandy in the Mother Country.

No. Their government is no more a friend of the drinker than Rees or Rudd.

Naturally, the step forward for all humanity that is cheaper-booze-than-water is under threat.

"New laws ... will ban pubs, clubs and shops from `irresponsible' price promotions."

What else are we to expect?

Nothing good can exist without motherfucking scum trying to take it way.

That is how late monopoly capitalism functions...

No comments:

Post a comment