A Letter to Frank: Yet another groundbreaking poem by Carlo Sands

Well, all I can about this is this is what happens when you drink *special* Johnny Walker, with extra ingredients of the sort my good friend Conehead might add, assuming Conehead drank booze. And then follow it with beer and Irish whiskey and special cigarettes at Conehead's. Indeed, as anyone who has been there will tell you, simply *walking in front door* at Conehead's place is enough to put most mortals in a frame of mind required to create a work of art of the sort above.

This is really just an in-between thing, a poetic interlude to pass the time until I finally get around with Ben to creating the much anticipated Conversation V film. Yes, it has been a long time the latest installment of this truly groundbreaking film series -- the critically acclaimed Conversation IV: This Time It's Sensual. All I can do is assure you that the fifth (and final) in the series is not long off...

And in the meantime... enjoy the poem.

I don't pretend, of course, that is the greatest poem ever written. That would be my masterpiece I Kill You Now Fuck Off And Get Me A Drink.

It is not even the second greatest poem ever written. Not while my undeniably brilliant Dedicated to a Fuckwit remains available to the general public.

But I like to think it adds something to a growing body of highly impressive work and the likelihood of random acts of violence against Franks committed by the general public.

Now I know *just* what is on your mind. Who *is* Frank? Well, I think *all* know a Frank, don't we? Frank comes in many shapes, sizes and even cover names. But all these pricks, to me, will always be what they are -- a Frank. Because I said so.

But I have said enough. Far better to let Tony Duggins from Irish-American Celtic punk legends The Tossers explain it far better than I ever could... in this great clip and album version of "Whiskey Makes Me Crazy" -- which YouTube WON'T LET ME EMBED!!!!!!!!






'Irish whiskey drives me nuts, yeah whiskey makes me crazy!"

Hello world, what's been happening?

Hello!

I thought I would just check in. You know, it has been close to two months since my last post and I wouldn't want my many followers to think I had died. Again.

Anyway, it is not like much has been been happening in the world since September 22. I see the financial system now just directly runs Greece and Italy -- which really sounds like the simplest solution all round.

They did such a great job of running the global financial system and, sure, they own the governments but, at the end of the day, if you want a job done properly you have just got to do it yourself.

It sure calmed the whole thing down and I think the crisis is pretty much averted. If by averted you mean spreading to France.

Meanwhile, the British response to the crippling Global Recession is to start torturing the unemployed. Seriously.

Also, in an unrelated development, in cities around the world, a bunch of people have been hanging out having a chat and attacking police batons and tear gas cannisters and what have you.

Israel is continuing to be the greatest democracy in the Middle East, pursing its relentless goals of peace and justice. Libya has been liberated. Afghanistan continues to show how much it loves its occupiers.

The New South Wales police continue to be the non-violent, free speech-respecting and fundamentally progressive force we all know and love.

The world's climate continues to be just fine with absolutely nothing to worry about -- as Rupert Murdoch's The Australian keeps roping in renowned scientist, sceptic and Sydney Catholic Archbishop George Pell to tell us.

Oh, and I was *so* excited... THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND CAME!!! Seriously, she like, came to Australia!!! I love the English establishment, as fans of the blog can attest, and to have the head of the beast -- so to speak -- in my own country was a joy I could barely contain.

Quite rightly, Melbourne Lord Mayor Robert Doyle had the city centre cleared of all filthy commoner types ahead of Her Majesty's visit.

I did but see her passing by... which really makes it hard to get a decent shot fired off before the cops are onto you and you gotta run. I hate running.

In other news, my sister and her partner came to Sydney last Wednesday. They arrived at the train station at 10am, which, coincidentally, was the exact time the pub across the road opened.

And another highly important development. I have declared my latest campaign: to overtake the Devil Child Himself in Twitter follower numbers. Justin Bieber is, at current count, sitting on 14,447,678, which is *roughly* 14,447,632 more than Carlo Sands.

DON'T LET THE DEVIL CHILD WIN! YOU TOO CAN FOLLOW CARLO SANDS ON TWITTER! @CarloSands. Do it for humanity.

And finally, if you want and are in Sydney, you can see Carlo Sands on a stage in the preliminary final of the Comedy @ The Rox comp, at the Roxbury Hotel in Glebe. You might see something like this.





'Singing "God save the Queen"? Well I think fucking not! And I pray every day that in Hell she may rot...' Sydney City Trash, the greatest Sydney-based country folk punk act from Tamworth, express their love for the English queen.


PS: I don't believe I have ever said the word "fuckity" anywhere on my blog before. That has now changed.