Comrade MacGowan's teeth were a symbol of everything right in the world. A rebellion against all that was false, manufactured, artificially smooth.
A permanent defence of permanent drunkenness — years of abuse of intoxicants created those teeth! They were an achievement, a life well lived!
Of course, it should be added than an apparently decisive moment came when he allegedly broke his set badly after an all-day drinking session that ended with him tripping over a pile of bricks.
But such a gain is not just the product of one day's work. You spend your life drunk, sooner or later you will trip over a pile of bricks and create a mouth to be proud of!
But, it pains me to say, no more.
No, Shane MacGowan has turned his back on everything he once stood for.
Did those Pogues fans forking out hard-earned cash to go and see the original Pogues line up, with MacGowan out front once more, know this is how the tour's profits would be spent?
Did they know that they would be complicit in MacGowan betraying everything he once stood for?
That he would bugger off to fucking Spain to fill the bank account of some overpaid tooth quack to fix him up with some new-fangled fangs?
Well check it out. Here is Shane as we knew and loved him.
And here he is after his cosmetic surgery.
You see how he has caved in to the demands to submit to the dominant body image? See how smooth and conventionally handsome he now looks?
Oh the shame of it all.
I firmly belief that this is the first sign of the coming Armageddon.
And I will say this: if it turns out that Comrade MacGowan has started attending AA meetings, then the final battle between good and evil will have begun.
If this is the case, I trust all readers of this blog will find themselves in the front line — broken whiskey bottle in hand.
'I'll chop you down like an old dead tree...' A good example of Shane MacGowan's teeth in the pre-Armageddon days, before we were over-taken by the all-encompassing battle between the forces of Good and Evil.
Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I am, to say the least, slow to anger.
Generally speaking, I am pretty laid back. Little bothers me.
Carlo “Serenity” Sands — that’s me to a tea. It sure takes a hell of a lot to get me worked up.
I have always taken as my touchstone the advice offered by my good friend V. I. Lenin of how to proceed when faced with people who disagree with your historically correct analysis and prescription: “Patiently explain.”
But even “Carlo the Calm” (as I am popularly known) has his limits.
Sometimes, something occurs so blatantly outrageous and unjust, such a violation of what any decent person holds dear to their heart as the very essence of humanity, that, I, yes even I, get really fucking angry.
What could possibly upset the equilibrium of such a profoundly balanced human being as Carlo Sands?
I can barely bring myself to type these words. Tears of anger and sorrow roll down my cheeks.
The NSW government has launched yet another crack down on drinkers.
In it's latest assault on our fundamental rights, NSW police (famous the world over for their sobriety) have been given increased powers to tackle the scourge of alcohol consumption.
The law has been changed so that the point at which police can arrest you has been lowered from being “seriously drunk” to “noticeably drunk”.
Now, the original law was bad enough.
I mean, who the fuck wastes their time drinking if they are not aiming to get seriously drunk?
What the fuck is the point? If you are not going to take your drinking seriously, get out of the fucking way at the bar!
But noticeably drunk???
For christ sake, do these lunatics think people consume alcohol because they have run out of Bushall teabags?
Why the fuck would anyone waste their time and hard-earned cash drinking booze if the effects were not even noticeable?
If you can't notice the effects after a drinking session, you haven't been doing it right. You need to get back there and fucking drink some more!
Let's just look at the potential consequences of implementing a law that makes it a crime to be “noticeably drunk” in Australia:
Parliament would be emptied by the constabulary. All journalists would be rounded up and interned. English backpackers would face mass arrest. Footballers of all codes would be pre-emptively detained.
Now, I know what you are thinking: sounds pretty fucking good.
Yes! But because they are all noticeably arseholes!
Booze has nothing to do with it.
You want to pass a law declaring it a crime to be seriously, or even noticeably, an arsehole in public, then you've got my vote. The above mentioned groups would all be rounded up and hauled away, for the undoubted betterment of humanity.
But leave the great mass of us honest drinkers alone.
Let's just think about some of the consequences of this new law a bit more. If it was applied consistently, across the board, there could be disastrous consequences.
For one, The Shannon would never be open — what with bar manager Paddy's endless cycle of arrests and court appearances.
Every 15-year-old in a park on a Friday night with a bag of goon would end up in jail — just for taking it upon themselves to go out and learn some of life's important lessons.
In short, as my protest placard intends to read, Australia is noticeably drunk.
Apply this law across the board, and all of civilised life in this god-forsaken island would ground to a halt.
And surely our benighted rulers are not that stupid?
That is, could it be that actually this outrageous law is not intended to be applied to all, or even the overwhelming majority, of NSW citizens?
Well, some cynics have suggested such an interpretation.
Yes, it seems that this law is, in fact, just yet another way for the upholders of law and order to kick the most downtrodden even harder.
Thalia Anthony, a law lecturer at Sydney University, pointed out: “New laws giving police the power to move on people who are slurring their words will cement a long tradition of criminalising Aboriginal people for public order offences.”
Anthony explained: “History shows indigenous people are most likely to be caught by this type of legislation and incarcerated for the mere appearance of intoxication.
“The move-on laws have the peculiar flavour of targeting people who are not committing a crime or even suspected of committing a crime. They are activated where people are deemed drunk.”
Such outrageous laws are not unprecedented, and neither is their consequences, Anthony said. ”The discriminatory policing of drunk Aboriginal people is blatant. Indigenous people are 42 times more likely than other Australians to be in custody for public drunkenness.
“In 2005 the Australian Institute of Criminology identified public drunkenness as a key issue relating to police custody. In October 2002 it found that of those detained by police there were 17 times more Aborigines than all other groups.”
Anthony concluded: “Through its move-on slurring powers, the NSW Government has provided another back-door means for incarcerating drunk Aboriginal people ... It is another sad attempt to criminalise indigenous behaviour rather than criminal activity.”
So that is the story, eh?
What a bunch of racist scum. And to think, they would use booze as their weapon to attack a people already largely destroyed by ongoing colonisation. Such an innocent thing used to such evil ends.
But I say, we don't have to accept this.
The Indigenous people have never stopped resisting. They have never ceded sovereignty over this land, and they continue to raise their demands for justice.
I say we follow their example.
I hearby call for a campaign of mass resistance to these patently ridiculous, outrageous, absurd and outright racist law.
I call for a mass civil disobedience in a Day of Drunken Disorder throughout the state — bring it to its knees.
Personally, I hearby pledge, as an act of protest, to be noticeably drunk at all times until this law is repealed.
