Friday, May 01, 2026

Wow. Internet left speechless by what this Facebook post said just happened.

 I saw the most inspiring story on facebook and I had to share it here. It is so great that a platform exists to get out true stories filled with heart and told so engagingly and definitely not machine created. 

***

It was meant to be James Corden’s return to late night talk show hosting. Instead, it became a raw, unfiltered moment that no one could have predicted. Grinning at his famous guest Big Bird, Corden tried his usual light-hearted banter before Big Bird stunned the host into silence with a simple response:

“We sit here surrounded by flattery and wealth, but outside the world is falling apart.”
 
A murmur broke out in the live audience as one of the world’s most famous avian personalities continued: “As the world descends into darkness, you offer us banal distraction.”

“But Big Bird,” a visibly shaken Corden stuttered, “don’t you think people deserve a laugh?”

“We aren’t on this stage to provide entertainment,” Big Bird countered calmly, his feathers unruffled, “but to numb the minds of the toiling masses, to distract them at the behest of the powerful who steal our future.”

The audience began to cheer and applaud as Big Bird listed the many crimes of our ruling classes, never once raising his voice.

“I think maybe we should do some Carpool Karaoke,” Corden nervously interjected as he tried to regain control of the situation.

“James,” Big Bird looked the host directly in the eye, “I did not come on your show to sing. I came to incite revolution!”

The inspired audience rose up as one and stormed the stage, capturing Corden and executing him as an enemy of the people. They poured onto the streets, calling on their fellow workers to join them. Soon all of Los Angeles had fallen to the insurrectionary masses and the Los Angeles Commune was declared, led by directly elected and recallable representatives who decreed the expropriation of capitalist interests and the redistribution of the city’s glittering wealth. Terrified at the example being set, both major capitalist parties united to send in the military to drown the LA Commune in blood, finally regaining control after 112 days of fierce fighting, leaving tens of thousands dead.

The counter-revolution may have prevailed, but the example set by a big yellow bird who simply told the truth will never be forgotten. Full article [Insert dodgy link here]

[Image: Big Bird leads James Corden to the firing squad]


Sunday, August 31, 2025

The True Story of William Tell, As Observed By Carlo Sands and a Cad Named Leslie

 

Aldorf, Switzerland. November 18, 1307.

A village square, surrounded by shops advertising chocolate, cheese and watches. On a park bench Carlo and Leslie sit, wearing their Napoleonic War-era military uniforms. Leslie’s black uniform with white lacing is neatly pressed and immaculate. Carlo’s blue uniform is disheveled, faded and noticeably fraying.


LESLIE: I am not sure why you wanted to come to Switzerland, you know it’s languishing under the tyranny of the Duchy of Austria. You hate Austrian dukes.


CARLO: One of those Habsburg pricks stole my Schnapps!


LESLIE: If I recall, it was the Duke’s bottle of Schnapps that you stole from his table in that Vienna tavern when he wasn’t looking. Honestly, you were lucky he was too enamoured by that Styrian harmonica player to have you executed.


CARLO: Anyway, we’re here for the hordes of gold.


LESLIE: I keep telling you, that’s Nazi gold. As well as the moral ambiguity of trying to steal gold that’s been plundered by fascists, it doesn’t even get sent to the Swiss National Bank for more than 600 years…


They are interrupted by the sounds of the William Tell Overture ringing out. Leslie points to the middle of the square.


LESLIE: Is that William Tell? The greatest crossbow marksman in the whole of the recently announced Swiss Confederacy? 


CARLO: That bastard owes me a beer!


***


William Tell, crossbow slung across his shoulder, walks across the village square with young son Billy. They stop near a 10 foot-high pole, on top of which sits a fancy looking Alpine hat with a large white feather. Paying no attention to the pole, Tell gets down on one knee to address his son.


TELL: Please Billy, you rmust spend more time practicing your crossbow! We'll never rid ourselves of the hated Habsburg oppressors if we don't train in armed combat!


BILLY: But Dad, I don't like the crossbow! I just want to herd goats.


TELL: Look, you promise to keep up your crossbow practice and I'll buy you some of that Swiss chocolate for which these lands are so justly famous!


BILLY: But Dad, I don't like Swiss chocolate! I prefer an Austrian Weiner schnitzel.


TELL: (stands up, shocked) I am going to pretend I didn't hear that.


Two guards rush over, wearing plumed helmets and carrying pikes


GUARD 1: Hey mate! Mate!


TELL: Yes, officers?


GUARD 1: (points to the pole) Didn't you see the hat on top of that pole?


TELL: (looks up) I just figured thieves nicked some poor bastard’s hat and chucked it up there. I'm sorry, I didn't see who did it.


GUARD 2: That's the hat of Albrecht Gessler! The official representative of the Holy Roman Empire! He put it there so the villagers would bow before it!


TELL: (looking up at the pole) That’s Gessler’s hat? That pompous overfed Habsburg running dog?


 A finely dressed nobleman with no hat appears behind Tell. 


TELL: That vile tyrant terrorising his own Swiss countryfellows, that ugly two-faced thieving… he’s standing behind me isn’t he?


GESSLER: William Tell, the most famous crossbow marksman in the whole land. Why did you refuse to bow before my hat?


TELL: Why did I refuse to bow… why did you stick that stupid hat up a pole? Have you lost your mind? What is the punishment anyway for not bowing before a symbol of foreign domination?


GESSLER: The routine punishment, Tell, is death.


TELL: (to his son) See, son? Social inequality is always underpinned by state-sanctioned violence! This is why you must learn to shoot, because the violence of the oppressor can only be answered by …


GESSLER: (interrupting) But in your case, Tell, I have a better idea. Why don’t we put your marksmanship to the test? All you have to do is shoot this apple…..


Gessler grabs an apple from the hands of a peasant woman walking past.


PEASANT WOMAN: Hey, that’s my apple!


GESSLER: (ignoring her) … with a crossbow bolt from a distance of 50 yards …


PEASANT WOMAN: That's my lunch!


GESSLER: Split that apple with one shot and, on my word, I shall spare your life.


TELL: (scoffs) Easy.


GESSLER: Wonderful. Now, to ensure it balances nicely we shall just place that apple right on top of your lovely son's head…


TELL: (horrified) You’re insane!


GESSLER: Split the apple and you shall live. Refuse and you shall both die. Guards!


PEASANT WOMAN: Am I going to be compensated for the apple?


A crowd gathers to watch as the guards line Billy against a tree in the village square and place the apple on his head. Tell sets up 50 yards away and, trembling, raises the crossbow. Losing composure, he lowers it again.


BILLY: Dad, I lied. I really do love Swiss chocolate.


Visibly moved, Tell raises the crossbow and fires. The apple splits in two. The crowd cheers as Tell and Billy jump up and down in joy. In the background, the peasant woman gathers the apple parts and hurries off.


TELL: (celebrating wildly) Yes! Yes! I did it! Take that you Habsburg pricks! Yes!


As Tell jumps about, another crossbow bolt falls from under his tunic and clatters on the ground. Gessler picks it up and taps it against his palm.


GESSLER: A second bolt, and yet I offered you only one shot! Tell me, Tell, what was this second bolt for?


Tell hesitates.


TELL: Promise not to get angry?


GESSLER: I promise.


TELL: Had I missed and hit my son, that second bolt was for your heart.


GESSLER: (enraged) Guards! Seize him!


TELL: You promised!


The guards hold a furious Tell down.


GESSLER: I promised you your life and I shall not kill you! You will, however, be taken across the lake to the castle of Küssnacht in whose dungeon you shall rot for the remainder of your life! Take him away!


Tell is dragged off in front of the stunned crowd. Across the square, Carlo and Leslie sit on the bench watching proceedings.

CARLO: The Swiss are crazy!

LESLIE: (looking at the sky) Looks like there’s a storm brewing.

CARLO: Let’s go to the pub.

***

Gessler, Tell and the two guards are on a boat crossing the lake. The two guards sit in the middle, rowing with an oar each, with Gessler at one end of the boat and Tell, tied up with rope, at the other. A fierce storm breaks out, tossing the boat too and fro.


GUARD 1: The storm is too fierce, boss! I’m not sure we can make it!


GESSLER: Nonsense!


A huge wave crashes over him, leaving him soaking.


GESSLER: (furious) My finest robes! Surely you can get us to safety, you two are supposed to be the greatest sailors in the land!


GUARD 2: (yelling to be overheard above the storm) Actually… there is one man they say is even greater and he may be the only one who can save us!


GESSLER: Who…


All three look at Tell, who grins back.


GESSLER: You’ve gotta be kidding.


TELL: Untie me Gessler, and I shall sail us to safety.


GESSLER: And you promise that once we reach land you’ll let us tie you up again and drag you to the dungeon?


TELL: I promise.


GESSLER: Then free him!


The guards untie Tell, who promptly grabs his crossbow lying near his feet and shoots Gessler through his heart.


GESSLER: (shocked) You promised!


Gessler topples backwards over the boat and disappears into the raging waters.


GUARD 1: (to Guard 2) I told you we shouldn’t have let him pack his crossbow for the trip.


TELL: Right, now to get us to safety and then… freedom!


Tell jumps into the middle and grabs the oars.


***


Carlo and Leslie are sitting at a table in a crowded tavern drinking beer when Tell bursts in and starts addressing the patrons.


TELL: My fellow Swiss! The tyrant Gessler is dead! It is time to rise up and free these lands from our Habsburg overlords!


CARLO: (interrupting) William Tell!


TELL: Our fight will… Carlo Sands?


CARLO: You owe me a beer!


TELL: Not now! I’m trying to lead the revolution!


CARLO: (rising to his feet) You know, Tell, I once knew a man from a very different time and place. He fought against a hated dictator in a land known as Cuba. He was not himself Cuban, but he fought for Cuba’s freedom as hard as he would his own. And when they won, he left to fight for freedom in other lands until the Holy Roman Empire of his day finally had him put to death.


Growing increasingly passionate, Carlo stands on his seat.


CARLO: And one time, Tell, that man looked me right in the eyes and told me: “At the risk of sounding ridiculous, a true revolutionary is guided by great feelings of love and also never ever refusing your shout!”


Tell stares at Carlo for half a second.


TELL: (sighs)  Alright, fine. Bartender, get him a schooner of Resches.


Tell turns back to the crowd of patrons as the bartender places a schooner in front of Carlo.


TELL: Now we liberate these lands!


The crowd cheers and led by Tell rush out of the tavern, leaving it empty save for Carlo and Leslie.


LESLIE: You know, you can get quite eloquent when making your case for beer.


CARLO: (looks sadly at the schooner) He owed me a pint.


LESLIE: Well drink up and let’s get out of here. I’ve a feeling these lands will be wracked by wars for about 300 years before finally declaring themselves a permanently neutral power, and even then I suspect religious and economic tensions will quickly spill over into a pretty nasty peasants’ war. 


CARLO: Never trust the Swiss.


They down their remaining beer and leave.




Wednesday, May 14, 2025

Oh those crazy elections -- Liberal collapse, Labor hubris, the apparently 'destroyed' Greens

A not-election related image from May 3.

Don't get used to it 

Use your hard work for good 

Change those things your left-wing parents 

Only dreamt that they could

-- Madeline Leman, ‘Something I haven’t Seen Before’

 

“We are trying to fundamentally transform Australian politics, economy and society in favour of ordinary working people. And that sort of project will have more setbacks than victories, because the forces we are coming up against are enormously powerful… and time and again in history, brilliant people like you have suffered setback after setback after setback. And only after then have we cracked through and won.”  -- Greens housing spokesperson Max Chandler-Mather, who lost his seat after Liberal Party preferences secured victory for Labor in Griffith,  to supporters on election night.

 

“Israeli airstrikes have killed at least 40 people across Gaza during the past 24 hours … as Israel’s government prepared to order an expansion of its military offensive … Aid officials have warned of a humanitarian catastrophe in Gaza, with famine again looming.” -- The Guardian, May 3

There is no question May 3, 2025 was an historic night.

Needing a win to secure a home final in the 2024-25 A-League season, the Western Sydney Wanderers came from behind to defeat the Macarthur Bulls 3-1 at Campbelltown Stadium. Having endured mediocrity for almost a decade, thousands of delirious Wanderers fans who’d travelled to Sydney’s deep south-west sang and let off flares in joy. Despite some tough years, the Wanderers’ late season resurgence shows that with hope and determination, you can advance.

There was also a federal election that day and so at half time, the score poised at 1-1, fans checked their phones to see the Australian Labor Party had already won.

Records were broken that night. The 9213 attendance was the largest ever for a Macarthur home game, though it was a shame for the Bulls that most of the crowd wore red and black. Having a record attendance of just over 9k, only achieved because away fans took over the ground to celebrate their own season, is almost as embarrassing as the Liberal Party’s election result.

With a cost of living crisis, a housing crisis, and against an incumbent government that has done less to inspire anyone on anything than Perth Glory’s most recent A-League season, the Liberal/National Coalition’s primary vote collapsed to about 32%. This is down from around 35% in 2022 and about 10% lower than 2019. They are on track to lose up to 14 seats, on top of the 19 lost last time.

It is satisfying to see hard-right forces fail, but I have concerns for some people. Take progressive NGO GetUp. They’ve built a multi-million dollar fundraising model based on sending spam emails insisting members of their “movement” (whoever signed an online GetUp online petition in 2011 and never unsubscribed) urgently send them more money so they can bravely face down imminent threats like Liberal leader Peter Dutton, who promptly lost his own seat.

On May 1, with Coalition insiders conceding they were heading for disaster, I received the following email:



I never found out if tragedy struck and GetUp had to scale back their “final, crucial ads push”. But it was probably just as well I never chipped in $12, or too many GetUp ads might have left one party with so much control over the state even North Korea would blush.

Two days after the election, I got a new email hailing “the role GetUp members” played in winning this “important victory”, before ending with a new ominous warning: backed by powerful forces, “the hard right is growing”, and could I “chip in” to help GetUp “hold the line”?

In the real world, the elections confirmed what previous elections suggested: the Liberal Party, historically Australia’s most electorally successful party and a major pillar of the two-party system, has collapsed as a mainstream centre-right party.

Furiously egged on by an increasingly irrelevant Murdoch press, it has descended into ideologically driven hard-right culture wars, alienating large parts of its traditional constituency (especially women, appalled by its misogyny) but not picking up alternative support in an increasingly multi-racial country it doesn’t understand.

The Labor Party has largely moved into the vacated political space, replacing the dysfunctional Liberals as the main party of Australian capitalism. The Labor Party is now the predominant party of the establishment, backed by key sectors of capital (high profile, ideologically driven exceptions like billionaire Gina Rinehart notwithstanding).

But the Labor Party has not taken all the space electorally. Since 2022, a swathe of traditionally Liberal Party seats have been won (and mostly defended) by a range of socially liberal independents. Loosely known as the Teals, they are denounced by the Murdoch press as virtually Communist for believing that women should exist in public life and that climate change is real. In fact, they are elected by people who voted Liberal until the party descended into farce.

Major party decline


The Liberal Party collapse is part of a larger trend that does not spare the Labor Party. The 2022 elections featured a record low vote for the two major parties – until this election when it fell even further. One third of voters did not vote for Labor or the Coalition.

Labor easily won the two-party preferred vote, but its primary vote only rose 2.1% and remains at historically low levels. Labor outperformed expectations, but there is little evidence of popular confidence in its rule.

This marks a sense of alienation and distrust with the major parties that is underpinned by material realities. Living standards are falling. Whole generations are priced out of the housing market and rental stress is spiking housing insecurity and homelessness. Healthcare and childcare costs are rising. Climate change-supercharged extreme weather is wreaking havoc and devastated communities (like the northern NSW city of Lismore) are largely abandoned in the wake. Many (especially Arabic and Muslim communities) feel fury and despair as Australia continues exporting lethal weapons to Israel as it commits what Amnesty International, in a 300-page report, denounced unambiguously as genocide.

These issues affect different people differently across the country, but they add up to a political malaise. Few could honestly say they are being “represented” by either major party – whether they are well-heeled professionals in a blue-ribbon seat or struggling to pay the rent in deep suburbia.

Some are doing well, of course, like property developers enjoying artificially inflated housing prices and generous tax breaks, and the 1 in 3 corporations who pay no tax at all. But below them there is uncertainty and fear for the future. In this context, Dutton’s flirtation with MAGA-style politics backfired, with the uncertainty that Trump has unleashed on the world making many uneasy.

Yet the explanation for the Coalition’s result goes beyond Trump. Dutton swung wildly from pushing (then abandoning) MAGA-like policies to decidedly unMAGA-like measures like matching Labor health spending promises cent-for-cent.

The Coalition also thought it wise to pledge to build nuclear power plants at unknown expense or timescale, leading to inevitable questions of exactly whose electorates these plants would be built in and which ones might get the waste.

The shocking quality of the Liberal campaign helps explain the result, but it is itself a symptom of the Liberals’ degeneration. Further evidence is what passes for “moderate” in today’s Liberal Party. Sussan Ley, an apparent “moderate” who has now been elected the Liberals first-ever federal woman leader, spoke favourably earlier this year of the colonisation of Australia by comparing it to Elon Musk’s fantasy plan to colonise Mars.

Then again, she was up against Angus Taylor, who combines the stench of incompetence, corruption and membership of Peter Dutton’s hard right faction. Anyone left in the Liberal Party caucus who accepts that it is the 21st century was hardly spoiled for choice.

Greens’ challenge


In this context, Labor’s shift to take the space abandoned by the Liberals has simultaneously opened space to its left. This explains its intense vitriol towards the Greens, the largest left-of-Labor party who had quadrupled its lower house seats in 2022.

Labor fears not just the seepage of votes to their left but the potential for a more sustained challenge in its traditional heartlands – it fears the potential that a force like the Greens could do to it what the Teals have done to the Liberals.

Post-election, Labor loudly gloated over the Greens losing 3 of their 4 lower house seats – including Greens leader Adam Bandt, who lost the seat of Melbourne that he’d held since 2010.

A narrative has been pushed by Labor and the media of a popular rejection of the Greens for daring to challenge Labor on several fronts. Two issues have especially drawn Labor’s ire – the Greens demand for an end to support for Israeli crimes, and their refusal for monthd to pass Labor’s housing bill without amendments, on the apparently outrageous grounds it would make the housing crisis worse.

In reality, Labor refused for months to negotiate with the Greens over the housing bill. The Greens, led by housing spokesperson and MP for Grifith Max Chandler-Mather, organised door-knocking campaigns in Labor electorates to talk to people directly about their position. All up, they knocked on 20,000 doors, with Chandler-Mather hosting a series of online “town halls” to discuss the campaign.

Showing his contempt for ordinary people, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese decried this campaigning as the Greens acting in bad faith. The Greens eventually passed the bill after finally negotiating $3.5 billion in funds to go directly to public housing.

Labor sought revenge, and poured resources into a successful bid to win Chandler-Mather’s seat of Griffith back from the Greens. Having offered gracious words to a defeated Dutton, Albanese laid the boot into Bandt and Chandler-Mather after their losses.

But it wasn’t just Labor loudly claiming victory against the Greens. Right-wing attack group Advance Australia, with millions of dollars in corporate donations, ran an hysterical campaign against the “extremist” Greens. Proving they are GetUp for rich people, Advance insisted post-election that they had “destroyed” the Greens. I can just imagine the new fundraising emails landing in CEO inboxes.


Advance Australia 'destroys' the Greens.

There are two key claims made against the Greens – that they were punished for their “intransigence” over housing and Gaza, and that they have supposedly strayed from their “roots”.

The narrative does not add up on either front. Nationally, the Greens’ vote stayed steady at almost 12%, slightly down from 2022. Keeping all their Senate seats, the Greens have secured sole balance of power in the upper house.

The 3 seats the Greens lost were due less to a supposed rejection of the Greens as to the mathematics of the preferential system. With the collapse of the Liberal vote, much of which went to Labor, the two parties with the most votes in these seats were Labor and the Greens. Liberal preferences then flowed to Labor, giving them victory. Labor, having constantly accused the Greens of “collaborating” with the Coalition, owe these victories to Liberal preferences.

In the case of Bandt, a further factor was the redrawing of the boundaries of his seat. Public housing estates in which Bandt has built a strong base were moved to the neighbouring seat of Wills. In these areas, the Green vote was again high, with the Greens falling just short of winning Wills for the first time.

Greens’ vote


There is some nuance to the Greens national vote, however. There were swings against the Greens in some inner-city seats, but also swings to the Greens in various multi-racial working class areas. This occurred in southern Brisbane, western Melbourne and most impressively in Western Sydney, with the Greens securing swings in every Western Sydney seat.

In the Western Sydney seat of Blaxland where I campaigned, the lower house swing to the Greens in the seat was only about 1% (with a strong Muslim Votes-backed independent campaign taking much of the local fury at Labor over inaction around Gaza and other issues). But the senate vote in the seat more than doubled from just under 6% to more than 13%.

Western Sydney also shows the independents’ challenge affects Labor too. In Fowler, incumbent independent Dai Le, who dramatically won the seat from Labor in 2022, was re-elected. In Blaxland and the neighbouring seat of Watson, MV-backed independents rode waves of community anger to significantly reduce Labor’s previously large winning margins. MV candidates have insisted they are only getting started.

The second claim about the Greens is that they have abandoned their supposed roots as a purely “environmental party” by taking up such causes as housing and Gaza. Presumably also through their push to expand Medicare to include dental (a huge expense for many people), to abolish student debt and make education free, and to provide free child care – all to be paid for by new corporate taxes.

It doesn’t take much imagination to look at these policies and see the ghost of the Gough Whitlam Labor government. Elected in 1972, in just 3 years the Whitlam government famously extracted Australia from the Vietnam War, created Medicare and introduced free education, among other reforms of the sort Labor has not just stopped promising but, in government, actively worked to undermine. The Greens taking up this reforming mantle embarrasses a Labor Party that wants the Greens to sit in their corner and talk about trees.

Of course, critics of the Greens prefer not to notice the Greens also condemning Labor for opening new coal and gas mines, calling instead for a major expansion of renewables.

Accusations of abandoning their “roots” also ignores actual Greens’ history. The Greens were formed in the 1980s and early ‘90s around four pillars:

* Ecological sustainability;

* Social justice and economic equality;

* Participatory democracy; and

* Peace and non-violence.

The Greens have always stood for more than just “the environment”. It is true that exactly how they have approached broad social issues, and the exact mix in their focus, has varied over the years. But variations of the mix they campaigned for in 2025 were there from the start.

If anything, the Greens don’t always fully synthesise these four pillars; that is, treat them as parts of a connected whole. The Greens sometimes present different policies as if they are siloed proposals with little connection to each other: over here is climate action, in an unrelated column is housing, in the next unrelated column is First Nations justice, and in a different silo altogether is ending AUKUS and supporting Gaza.

Yet they are all connected – Greens policies on these issues represent a challenge to the current powers-that-be and their system. Both major parties act as they do because they are beholden to the actual economic centres of power in society. The same corporate interests making huge profits from fossil fuels are intricately connected to the property industry (just look at where major banks’ capital is invested). This economic power sees its interests as best served globally by allying with the US, part of which means uncritical support for Israel.

It is entirely consistent for the Greens to talk at the same time about ecological sustainability, and housing, and refugee rights, and peace, and economic inequality, and plenty of other injustices -- both in terms of their own founding principles and the actual reality of the country.

Greens’ trajectory


Exactly how to best express this is a big question.The electoral breakthrough for the Greens in Brisbane in 2022, where they shocked the political establishment by winning 3 seats, was closely associated with a push to emphasising “universalist” type politics. This emphasises collective interests of the majority against a political class that serves a powerful minority.

Led by a tendency emerging from their South Brisbane branch, the Queensland Greens had been growing in electoral strength from about 2015, with a focus on grassroots work to build community support to challenge a political establishment captured by corporate interests.

These politics were seen most clearly in Chandler-Mather’s high profile campaigning on housing. But they were also symbolised by Greens’ Brisbane MP Stephen Bates, a young working-class queer man, who was just 29 and famously working a retail job when he won his seat in 2022.

Outside the media glare, the Greens used these new seats to set up local programs to provide free meals and other forms of financial help for those struggling, largely funded out of their MP’s salaries. They also campaigned on a range of local issues such as around flight noise and plans to close a public school to redevelop a stadium.

Chandler-Mather was explicit about his project. When myself and Links International Journal of Socialist Renewal editor Fred Fuentes did a 2-hour interview with him in late 2023, Chandler-Mather insisted the goal was to transform the Greens into a mass working-class party.

His interventions in parliament showed how his project was aimed against the “political class” as a whole. In one viral clip of a parliamentary speech, as he tried telling the story of a desperate constituent in the face of Labor jeers, an emotional Chandler-Mather spoke over the heads of MPs to “anyone watching”, insisting that the thing that scared the political class most was ordinary people having hope.

When Labor brought in profoundly undemocratic laws to gut the CFMEU (using long-standing criminality in the construction industry as its excuse), Chandler-Mather addressed an angry rally of union members in Brisbane, copping more abuse from Labor and the media for daring to do so.

No wonder Labor worked so hard to unseat him, and Albanese sneered so unpleasantly when they did.

In this context, a rise in Green votes in more working-class suburban areas may be important. It is far too soon, and the shift still too limited, to draw hard conclusions, but it is certainly possible the more universalist-type messaging and policies found a stronger resonance in these areas (as did support for Gaza in places like Western Sydney).

In Western Sydney, it is worth noting the swings build on a growing vote in the region in the 2024 local council elections. Amid a higher vote across the area, the Greens won seats on Blacktown and Cumberland councils for the first time.

Yet despite those Green shoots, it is hard not to feel the Greens election campaign missed opportunities. Amid a crisis of legitimacy for the major parties, with space opening up on the left and people’s living conditions worsening, the Greens vote stayed steady rather than grew.

In particular, the perspective put forward by Chandler-Mather in that 2023 interview has undoubtedly taken a hit. It is not just that the 3 seats lost were held by figures who seemed clearly associated (to varying degrees) with this social democratic reform-type perspective, this perspective already seemed weaker in the Greens election campaign itself.

Greens’ campaign


Two factors seemed to be behind this. The first was the 2024 Queensland state elections in which the Green vote in inner-suburban Brisbane stalled for the first time since 2015. And the second was the election weeks later of Donald Trump.

The Greens took a well-developed platform to the Queensland election with a heavy focus on public ownership to tackle the myriad of crises people faced. But with the Liberal National Party poised to win, the election instead centred on the contest between the LNP and the incumbent Labor government, which ran some watered down versions of popular Greens policies to save what they could.

In the aftermath, there was a sense that the Greens, in campaigning hard against the status quo in general, had not done enough to make clear their specific opposition to the LNP and its profoundly reactionary platform. When Trump won the US elections, this concern seemed to deepen.

It led to a seeming over-correction, with the Greens federal campaign slogans overwhelmingly emphasised stopping Peter Dutton – explicitly connecting him to Trump. To this they added that the Greens would “push Labor to act”.

With the exception of the heavily publicised “put dental into Medicare” proposal, this largely crowded out the actual policies. Other measures with potentially wide appeal received less focus, like combining rent caps with creating a public developer to build badly needed homes (shifting the solution to the housing crisis into public hands). The Greens powerful message to sanction Israel and cease arms deals in the midst of Israel’s genocide was also quieter than the constant refrain of “Keep Dutton out, push Labor to act”.

At its most extreme, the Greens even talked about a potential “golden era of progressive reform” if a minority Labor government had to negotiate with Greens MPs able to then “pressure” Labor to do the right thing.

The problem is, it is hard to condemn the Labor Party so strongly for active complicity in the genocide in Gaza, then suggest they might bring in a golden era of reform if only enough Greens MPs are there to “push” them.

No doubt this messaging did reflect real pressures on the Greens. Much of their traditional middle-class base, especially in inner cities where they were trying to hold or win new seats, were understandably horrified at the thought of a Dutton prime ministership.

But campaigning in the Western Sydney seat of Blaxland (admittedly a Labor safe seat with the main challenge from a Muslim independent), Dutton was just not a factor among people coping with collapsing living standards and often seething with rage over Gaza. The evidence for this is the high vote for the Muslim independents in Blaxland and Watson, who directed their fire squarely at the party in government to give expression to the widespread sense in the community of being ignored and betrayed.

In this regard, part of the issue may be a need for greater flexibility in campaigning and more space for different emphasises around the same basic policy focuses. Re-assuring a voter in Griffith or Melbourne that the Greens strongly oppose Dutton is understandable, but in Blaxland the concerns are very different.

Part of the problem of so heavily emphasising “keep Dutton out” is it does little to give people a reason to vote for you specifically. After all, Dutton is to the right of most of Australian society, including huge chunks of the traditional Liberal Party base. To oppose Dutton, you don't need to vote Green; there were no shortages of candidates wanting to stop him too.

The attempted point of differentiation was the call to push Labor “to act”, but this can ring quite false. It is not just that the Greens had spent the past 3 years denouncing Labor (accurately) as a political arm of the property and fossil fuel industries, and (accurately) as being complicit in genocide. The harsh reality is few people have any hope or expectation Labor will do anything good at all. Even people voting Labor didn’t really expect that – they just looked at the alternative.

There is a layer of politically engaged progressive people who believed that with the right mathematical outcome of seats (a minority government dependent on Greens’ and independents’ support), some positive reforms may be possible. But this does not really translate into broader society – people hear “keep out Dutton and make Labor act” as “support Labor”.

It is important to emphasise that there is absolutely no guarantee that a different approach would have led to a better electoral outcome. But it is not simply about votes in one election, but what type of politics you wish to campaign on. After the breakthroughs of 2022 on universalist type politics that targeted the political class as a whole, it feels like the Greens missed the chance to more fully test out the type of politics that led to them securing that historic breakthrough.

One thing that should also be emphasised is that the Greens also operate under a resource stretch that the major parties do not. The swings in places like Western Sydney were achieved with very limited resources, and pose the question of what potential support might be won with more. In Brisbane, the party had to direct a lot of resources and energy to try to keep their 3 inner suburban seats (ultimately only keeping Ryan), posing the question of what further gains could have been made in southern Brisbane with bigger campaigns.

We can also add the problem of a dominant media narrative – likely far more effective than Advance Australia hysterics — that echoed Labor Party talking points. Over-emphasising the point can become an excuse for results that fall short of expectations, but it is a factor that can be hard to counter without strong campaigning on the ground. It cannot be easily overcome by social media campaigns alone.

Future directions


The Greens will now elect a new leader and face some strategic questions. All the public messaging has so far emphasised a refusal to back down in the face of Labor and media pressure on issues like Gaza and housing. Former leader and party grandee Bob Brown even took to the media to urge the Greens to go harder against “Labor arrogance”.

If anything, the Labor attacks may well be helping the Greens post-election. It gives the Greens the chance to say clearly “no we aren’t going to stop opposing war crimes or supporting people’s right to affordable housing". Labor is providing the sharp differentiation between themselves and the Greens that was lacking in much of the campaign itself.

The question remains though, of whether the Greens will focus on their more traditional role of seeking to be a “moral voice” to “hold power to account” from within the political system, or seek to challenge the political status quo itself.

On one hand, there is a pull towards the “moral voice” approach by the nature of the Greens weight in the Senate, where the party has the balance of power. It favours an approach of high-profile commentary through the media, whereas trying to win and hold lower house seats requires more localised community base-building.

On the other hand, the swings in multiracial, working-class areas, achieved with still limited campaigning, suggest the potential for the Greens to extend beyond their largely middle-class constituency and take more of the political space Labor has abandoned. The Greens may have lost 3 of their 4 lower house seats, but are still within touching distance of winning at least a handful in the next election.

The most likely outcome will be a mix of both, with the exact weight of either and how they interact to be determined. The party appears optimistic about increasing their presence and vote in places like Western Sydney, and the next period will certainly provide no shortage of opportunities for a political force willing to organise around people’s collective interests in the context of several worsening crises.

In this regard, and in terms of the space to the left of Labor, it is also worth noting the sizable swings to socialist candidates in Victoria in several seats. In Wills, socialist councillor Sue Bolton, who has built a base through constant involvement in community campaigns, received a swing of more than 5% to win 8% of the vote (unprecedented for her party Socialist Alliance).

The Victorian Socialists, who ran high-profile social media figure and renters’ rights advocate Jordan van den Lamb (known as “purple pingers”) for the senate, also received significant swings and high votes by socialist campaign standards in several Melbourne seats.

In Wills, in a sign of often-elusive socialist unity, SA and VS ran a joint campaign, producing material supporting Bolton for the lower house and VS for the senate.

The story of these results and associated campaigns is best told by those directly involved, but these experiences will be part of the process of building a challenge to the political establishment rooted in working-class politics to the political establishment. This is even more the case with the post-election announcement by VS that they plan to extend the party across the country and run candidates in every state.

Overall, the elections marked a win for the status quo – an incumbent government, which has done little of note, secured a larger majority without winning many more votes against an Opposition that has collapsed into dysfunction.

For the Greens, having secured a big breakthrough last time, it shows progress is not linear, and, while their vote held up, forward momentum stalled.

But that’s not an uncommon story, as any Western Sydney Wanderers fan can tell you. One week after the 3-1 win over the Bulls, the Wanderers lost 2-1 to Melbourne Victory to crash out of the finals race. There were clear positives in the season, but there’s more work to do.


* I am a member of the Parramatta Greens. The views, asides from those about the Wanderers shared by all right-minded people, are entirely my own.



Either red or blue
Doesn’t matter to me how ya roll
Twenty one forty two yeah I already told ya
Just tryna kick it with my homies and some doja
You didn't understand it
Cause you take your place for granted
Now you lost yourself inside your little world

- A. Girl, 2142* 

* 2142 is the postcode of Granville, a suburb in the seat of Blaxland.

Monday, January 27, 2025

How To Be a Real Man: 5 ways to unleash masculine energy in your day



There’s a lot of talk these days about the importance of masculinity, so it is no surprise this blog has been overwhelmed with correspondence on the topic. So many have reached out to ask me: what does it even mean to be a man these days? What does the “masculine energy” so sought after by our thought leaders even look like?

Being a man is something I know a lot about. I am overflowing with testosterone. So here are my top 5 tips for unleashing masculine energy and living your day like a real man.

1) Wake up and hug a possum


When you wake up, the very first thing you should do – before you have coffee or shower or do any other of those weak-willed feminine activities – is hunt down and hug a possum. You were born to hunt. Express your natural predator instincts by trapping a possum, then give it a big hug. Real men can express their emotions without being afraid of being called “gay”. Honestly, any man who calls you “gay” because you hugged a possum you hunted and trapped is probably just insecure.

2) Fight a possum


Sadly, possums carry a lot of toxicity from their childhoods where they were never taught how to accept love from others. So if you want to hug a possum, you better be willing to fight a possum. That’s what being a man means in 2025, no matter what the “woke” brigade of cultural Marxists trying to tear down society’s traditional gender roles will tell you.

3) Go to work


Men are providers, so wash off all the blood and possum fur and go to work! Stop complaining and earn a living. Can’t afford the bills and have no realistic prospect of ever being able to buy a house, all the while quality of life is increasingly undermined by escalating extreme weather events that suggest the future will be an ever-worsening hellscape increasingly unable to sustain human civilisation? Grind harder!

Seriously, your ancestors out chasing woolly mammoths didn’t complain about “the growing threat of World War III descending into a nuclear holocaust”. Grow up.

4) Apologise to the possum


The first thing you should do when you get back from work is to man up and apologise to the possum. It is not “weak” to admit when you made a mistake when you hunted, trapped then unexpectedly hugged that possum. A real man knows when to say sorry.

5) Get drunk with the possum


True men also know the best way to move on after a fight is to go to the pub together, sink schooners til closing time and then fail to get into a night club coz the cuck bouncer says “you can’t even walk straight and also that’s a fucking possum”. Yes, the woke brigade are now cancelling possums. The possum will probably be like “let’s go man, forget about it” but then the leftards will have won. So when the possum puts its paw on your shoulders to try to lead you away from the bouncer 8 times your size, turn and punch them. Then hug them and tell them you love them. Get a kebab and complain about immigrants ruining our culture. Go home and pass out with your shoes on.

And then, and this is the most important piece of advice anyone can ever give you: wake up and do it again.

Consistency is key to being a man.



Here is "Treaty" by Yothu Yindi, for no particular reason.


Wednesday, January 01, 2025

It's 2025 and we still don't know what's really going on in Clyde


As 2024 reaches to it's bloodstained close, it's hard not to feel overwhelmed by the horrors of the world. One brutal fact sums it up: it's 2025 and we still have no idea what is really going on in the Western Sydney suburb of Clyde, sandwiched between Auburn and God’s Own Suburb of Granville.

I write this 3,658 kilometres from Clyde. On the other side of the country, I feel a relative safety from their evil forces, but I know too well that their reach is long. Perth maybe the world’s most isolated capital city, but Clyde’s secretive operatives are everywhere

In 2024, I learned the hard way about Clyde’s power to silence those who ask awkward questions. In February, I posted an ill-advised video revealing I had moved from one location in Granville to another, closer to Clyde with a balcony on which I could keep a closer eye on the place I believe to be the Greatest Threat to Human Existence.

Mere weeks later, the eviction notice came. Oh sure the landlords claimed to want to renovate the place and “no fault” evictions had yet to be banned by the NSW government. But you’d be more naive than a Western Sydney Wanderers fan convinced the latest squad rebuild would herald a return the glory days of a decade ago not to see the true author of that letter giving 90 days to get out.

All I will say is they have not driven me from God’s Own Suburb. I have made a tactical retreat to a location further from the Clyde border, but I remain within the boundaries of Granville. I shall give no further clues to the dark forces who do Clyde’s bidding.

Most importantly, I will continue asking questions.

Why does Clyde have it's own train station, mere blocks from Granville’s, when the official census figures indicate only 9 people live there?

Does anyone truly believe the “Official Statistics”?

What are they really doing there?

What is that distinct, unpleasant yet undefinable stench that wafts from Clyde in windier days?

They don't want you asking these questions. But I have only one New Year's Resolution: find out the truth about Clyde.

Also, Free Palestine.

Sunday, August 25, 2024

Insufficient Intent: A Story of Greed, Corruption and Murder in the AFL


INSUFFICIENT INTENT


AN ENTIRELY TRUE STORY OF AFL GREED AND CORRUPTION


A CARLO SANDS' MYSTERY


July 29, 2023. 

Satuday night.

Round 20.

It was a cold July night in suburban Melbourne and I was in my car staking out a local insurance company branch manager and his sister in law. They'd chosen to meet in a hotel so cheap the roaches ask for tips. 

Maybe I should have got a proper job. Maybe I should have had rich parents and gone to med school. Maybe then I'd not be chasing husbands for jealous wives who deserve better, or wives for jealous husbands who don't.

But I was stuck in my stereotypically old bomb with a busted heater in winter with just an Essendon game playing on my phone for company. I had hoped the Bombers would lift my spirits but they weren't pulling their weight. Jake Stringer booted another behind.

"That's a bad miss, JB", offered the commentator, a grown man called BT. If inanely obvious statements generated heat, the Channel 7 commentary team would warm me right up. 

I looked at the scoreline and sighed. I thought longingly about the bottom-shelf whiskey bottle waiting for me at the local when I was done.

Something had to happen soon to advance the plot.

Then I saw it, swaying gently into the vision of my foggy side mirror. A man hanging from a tree.

Turning up my collar, I braved the cold to take a look. My first instinct was a Bombers fan pushed too far by the state of the latest "rebuild".

Then I saw the Carlton scarf.

No Bombers fan would be seen dead in the scarf of the Eternal Enemy. And this guy was unquestionably dead.

Something was wrong with this picture. The Blues seemed to be making a better fist this season than the Bombers in the two club's Eternal Quest to recreate the glories of 90s. 

Sure they were bound to screw it up in soul destroying fashion, but Carlton had only just beaten ladder leaders Collingwood last night to actually break into the eight. A Blues fan stringing themselves up the day after a huge upset win over the Pies? It didn't add up. 

Looking closer I realised it was the home insurance branch manager. What kind of perverted sicko wears a Blues scarf to meet their lover? A Blues fan, I guess. That kinda perverted sicko.

I needed to get out of there. A dead guy brings cops and the Victorian Police Force was a club I no longer played for. I couldn't even remember the words to the team song.

I was about to turn away when I saw the card in the dead guy's hand. An invitation to a gathering at AFL House, the famed headquarters of the sporting code that ran this city. If the AFL had their way, they would run the whole country, as shown by their frequent mercenary invasions of rugby league territory.

Even Aussie Rules states were not immune from AFL power-grabs, as Tasmania was discovering. Its long-desired AFL team was being tied to pumping millions of tax-payer dollars into a giant new stadium. This was despite a couple of perfectly good ones sitting there with a look on their faces like "we put up with all those North Melbourne games for nothing?"

This strong-arming was proving about as popular with Tasmanians as AFLX proved with anyone outside the no doubt very drunk AFL subcommittee that invented it. So when I checked the guy's wallet and saw the Hobart address, my mind raced.

Was the dead guy a Tasmanian agent sent to inflitrate the AFL and defeat their stadium blackmail plot? How did he get the invite to AFL House and what was he planning to do when he got there? And did the AFL want him dead?

Who was I kidding. Of course the AFL wanted him dead. AFL boss Gil McLachlan was a well-bred product of Adelaide's wealthy elite who presented a slick image for the cameras, but off-camera was known to be more than willing to play the man instead of the ball. He was supposedly stepping down at the end of the season, but if you think the likes of McLachlan walk away from power of their own volition, then I have a North Melbourne rebuild plan to sell you.

So who really was this apparent Carlton fan who'd seeningly ruled themselves out for the rest of the season?

I looked at the date of the AFL House invitation. It was tonight.

I had to hurry if I wanted to make the opening bounce.

***

AFL House was in Docklands in the heart of Melbourne, squashed between the Yarra River and the Southern Cross Station. Meaning you could either drown yourself or flee the city should the need arise. 

AFL apparatchiks, however, seemed only ever to drown in power and flee their responsibilities to protect the integrity of the sport, to go by the many loud critics in the footy media.

AFL House sat within the precinct of "Marvel Stadium", surely the most absurdly named sports ground in the Southern Hemisphere and pretty good evidence the critics had a point.

It's well known that every weekend, McLachlan hosted a huge soiree in the board room. The good and the famous gathered to drink fine champagne and, if the rumours were true, sustain several Colombian villages. 

Politicians, business magnates, former star players and high ranking clergy from multiple denominations were said to partake in the wild celebrations that served to cement McLachlan's standing at the centre of the city's real networks of power. McLachlan said he was handing over the reigns to his hand-picked successor, but few doubted who'd be directing the play. 

These parties famously had only one rule: no NRL.

All association with the rival code of rubgy league were barred. It was said that once, the Johns brothers themselves tried to sneak in, off their chops on an illicit case of Toohey's New they'd smuggled into Victoria. McLachlan was said to have personally drop-punted them from the venue to raucus cheers, declaring: "We play real footy in this city!" 

The AFL made much of its anti-NRL mission. Defending the civilised world fron barabarism. A noble goal.

As I approached the stadium, the noises from the Board Room grew louder. Wild cries of  "BAAAALL!!!" and "DELIBERATE!!!" rang across a car park studded with up-market SUVs.

The entrance was guarded by a burly bloke I recognised as a notoroiously tough back pocket for St Kilda in the early '00s.

I handed him the invite and awaited his question. Entry to the shindig was password protected, but I had my sources.

"What's the call?" asked the big unit, his face tense.

"No prior," I said, and he nodded and stood aside. I walked past, wondering if his off-field shirtfronts did as much damange as the ones dealt to on-field opponents back in the day.

As the lift climbed to the top floor, the terrible din growing louder.

"IN THE BACK!" roared a huge crowd.

The lift door opened onto a scene more disturbing than any I'd seen in my life. And I'd watched the West Coast Eagles play this season. The event had all the decorum of a Port Adelaide crowd.

The room heaved with bodies, naked except for an array of AFL scarves. Thus attired, a sizeable chunk of the Melbourne elite chased and kicked a giant inflatable sherin, climbing on each other's back to take a "screamer" while others shouted "KICK IT YA MUG!' and "THAT WAS HIGH!"

Every time the giant plastic football bounced near the champagne-ladled tables that sat against the walls, there was a defeating cry of "DELIBERATE!!!" This was followed by a piercing whistle as a man dressed in tight white shorts, knee high socks and nothing else yelled "INSUFFICIENT INTENT" and the crowd erupted into an even greater din. 

I headed straight to the champagne. I was in bad need of a drink.

I was picking up a champagne glass in each hand when I saw him. Gil McLachlan stood on the balcony outside the glass doors.

His back was facing me. His unmistakable heavily stylised black hair, plastered so thick it wouldn't move in a Bradley Maynard high bump, shined in the moonlight.

A drink in both hands, I stepped on to the balcony. He turned and looked me straight in the eye.

"Carlo Sands. How nice of you to join our little soiree."

I guess my mouth dropped faster than Essendon's ladder position post June in any season for too many years because he smiled and said, "Oh yes, we've had a hard tag on you for some time. But what, I wonder, brings you to our little... game tonight?"

"A little matter of a Blues fan who heard the final siren," I replied.

McLachlan chuckled. "You surprise me! I wasn't aware the well-being a Blue Bagger would concern a die hard Dons man. Shouldn't you be more concerned about the shortage of genuinely elite big-bodied midfielders playing in the red and black?" McLaughlin's smirked with a smugness reminiscent of Hawthorn fans circa 2015. 

"I was wondering," I continued, deciding to boot the ball deep into the 50, "whether it had anything to do with these rumours of a secret deal with the NRL to carve up the country."

There'd been some minor consternation caused by a few tweets from The Age's footy writer Barry Winger, which appeared to suggest a possible behind-closed-doors peace deal between the nation's two largest codes. Winger had since gone silent: no new tweets, articles for The Age or even new episodes of the moderately succesful footy podcast "Kicking In Danger" he did with a now-retired Western Bulldogs half back.

My comment was a bit of a kick-and-hope, but it seemed I'd found my man unmarked. I could have sworn I saw a flicker of shock in McLachlan's eyes, like a Dockers fan watching their team play consistently for all four quarters. It was probably just the moon's glare off his hair. 

His smile was colder now: "I didn't take you as a believer in Twitter gossip. Rugby league is the enemy of all humanity! Accusations we'd deal with such scum would be outrageous if not so laughable."

There was real anger in his voicd as added: "I've dedicated my entire life to destroying the NRL! So I would be careful what you say."

I was clearly as welcome as Toby Greene anywhere.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the back pocket thug from the front door make his way towards me. I figured I should disappear quicker than a Sydney Swans fan when their team drops out of the eight. I headed to the interchange bench before they had a reason to perform a HIA. 

But not before I grabbed two more glasses of high quality champers. My chat with the AFL supremo had left me a little thirsty.

* * *

I stood in the cold of the Marvel car park, which despite its name oozed Hollywood glamour like the Gold Coast Suns oozed fans. I thought about the situation.

McLachlan talked big about defending civilians from the horrors of rugby league. Did the AFL truly care? Or do they just want enough cash to keep the wild parties going?

But would they really stoop to deals with the NRL? And where did the contentious new Tasmanian stadium fit in?

This case was making less sense than an AFL tribunal decision involving high contact.

"PSSST"

The voice came from behind nearby bushes.

A man approached, his face mostly obscured by a yellow and green scarf that had become very familiar. The FIFA Women's World Cup had been underway across country for about a week now and Matildas' fever was running riot.

"I overheard your little talk with him," the man in the Matildas scarf said in an especially nasaly voice that was strangely familiar. "He's lying, Carlo. And I got the proof."

He thrust a stack of papers into my hands.The title page read: "Insufficient Intent: The Secret AFL-NRL Deal Exposed."

The author was indentified as one Barry Winger.

"The evidence is all in there," the man said. "Proof the two major codes are working on a peace deal to divide this country between them and exclude all other sporting codes. This deal goes through, it's the final whistle for any kid who ever dreamed of playing football."

It was an interesting choice of words. For most Aussies, "football" meant rugby league on the north east coast and Australian Rules everywhere else. The World Cup crowds were huge in what was a pretty stunning advance for women's sport, but most filling the stadiums would still be posting to social media about their night at "the soccer".

"Where's Barry now?" I asked.

"In hiding." The man slipped me a card with an address in Carlton. 

I sighed. "How will he know he can trust me?"

"The secret code is 'The World Game'". And then he retreated back into the bleakly dark night.


***

Carlton was never a place I was keen to visit, but I had too speak to Winger.

I arrived at the address on the card, a red brick house as fully detached as a Collingwood fan from reality when an umpiring call goes against them.

As I approached the front door, I could hear a TV playing inside. I knocked. No one answered. 

Something didn't feel right.

I went around the back and when no one answered my calls, I threw a rock at a window with the accuracy of Joe Daniher 10 metres out straight in front. It bounced harmlessly off a nearby tree.

Realising the door was actually unlocked, I walked in and followed the noise to the living room.

Barry Winger was on the coach. He didn't get up. The bullethole in his head told me he'd permanently retired and it didn't look voluntary. Someone had given him the tap on the shoulder.

I realised it wasn't a TV he was watching but a laptop on the coffee table. It showed a YouTube playlist of Sam Kerr goals. One backflip celebration after another.

What was a hardbitten AFL journo doing watching clips from the round ball game? 

Suddenly a clip cut to a studio when a man in a Matildas scarf was speaking about the social signficance of the Matildas' success. In a particularly nasally voice.

Craig Foster, the former Soceroo, football commentor and famed human rights activist. The man who had approached me in the car park. He had been working with Winger to reveal the truth, but now the AFL had successfully shut down Foster's star recruit.

I had to get out of there. To find one dead body may be regarded as a misfortune, to find two invites unwanted speculation. I jumped in my sterotypical old bomb and hit the pedal. Like the Geelong Cats, it was old yet somehow kept performing.

An hour later, far from Carlton, I sat safely in a pub going over Winger's report.

Winger revealed a shocking conspiracy. Despite their public rivalry, the NRL and AFL were actually far more worried about the threat to their monopolies by the rise of what the likes of Craig Foster call "the world game".

About a decade ago, the A-League started attracting large, impassioned crowds, threatening to challenge the two traditional codes' dominance. In response, Winger wrote, the AFL and NRL secretly organised a take over of the competition to destroy it from within.

All of a sudden, the A-League's seemingly endless and mindboggling string of own goals started making sense. Only true enemies of the sport could fuck things up so spectacularly. 

Winger had uncovered irrefutable evidence of the AFL-NRL plot to use their dominant market share, media access and influence over governments to lock out all other codes. The game the vast majority of the world calls football was to be relegated back to near joke status in this country.

It was all going swimmingly, with A-League crowds collapsing and the game turning on itself and its fans in a doomed bid to appease a hostile media. But the World Cup and enthusiasim for the Matiladas was threatening to upset this cozy agreement. Then some upstart footy journo had started posting tweets suggesting he may have uncovered the truth.

No wonder he had to die.

Well, they may have subbed Winger out of the game but I had his explosive report. It was time to apply a bit of scoreboard pressure.

***

AFL House looked a lot different in the cold light of day. It seemed smaller and largely lifeless. 

I found McLachlan behind his desk. On his office walls were book shelves filled with an endless array of footy player autobiographies. I wondered if the AFL CEO had ever read a single ghost-written line.

"Carlo!", he said with a thin smile as he leant back in is chair. "So nice to see you again."

He sounded as sincere as an AFL club insisting they don't tolerate racism in the face of strong allegations to the contrary from their non-white players.

"I have the report," I said. "Peace with rugby league! All your talk of fighting Evil and standing up to Barbarism! You probably signed it over a few XXXX Golds!"

I could feel my disgust rising, but I tried focus. "You had better do exactly what I say or every major media outlet in the world gets a copy of this report. The truth will blare out as loud as those annyoing songs they play at GWS games after they kick a goal."

"I've always hated those songs." All humour had drained from his face, though his hair remained immaculate. "And what is it that you actually want?" 

I had thought about this. As I saw it, each code should be as free as any other to provide for fans and seek to win new ones. Everyone had the inalienable right to have their heart broken repeatedly in soul destroying fashion in the sport of their choosing. I saw no reason to see that denied by some private-schooled born-to-rule twerp who spent more on hair products in a week than the average AFLW player earned in a season. 

"I want the deal you signed with the enemy torn up. And your resignation. For real this time."

He nodded, looking defeated. I'd seen more hope in the eyes of a St Kilda fan. 

I added: "And an end to the AFL's conspiracy against Essendon that's denying us the success we so richly deserve."

He burst out laughing, humour well restored. Five minutes later, he finally brought it under control. He shook his head and looked at me with what seemed like genuine pity. "My friend, no one needs a conspiracy to hold the Essendon Football Club down. That heady mix of hubris and incompetence is entirely self-imposed."

I narrowed my eyes. "You kill the NRL deal and walk away, I shred the report and the issue of Barry Winger's demise never need be sent to the tribunal." 

I turned to leave, then a thought struck me. "Who actually killed that Carlton-supporting insurance manager anway? And why?"

For a second, McLachlan looked genuinely baffled. Then he shrugged: "No idea, but who cares? A Blues supporter will hardly be missed."

I smiled as I walked out the door. That was the first sensible thing he'd said in quite some time.

Speaking of time, the Essendon game was starting soon and I hadn't watched them lose in an entire week. I headed to the nearest pub. There are some things you don't do sober.