Since I last spoke to you, two days ago, the Senate killed Christopher Pyne's higher fee deregulation bill and, in turn, Christopher Pyne killed satire, you know, all part of great and never-ending cycle of life and death, and also Tony Abbott ate another raw onion as though it was an apple -- yes he did it again.
'Hehehe check out these onions! I'd sure like to sink my teeth in one of the them!' Tony Abbott meets with Onions Australia chief executive Lechelle Earl. (That is not actually a sleazy play on words, the prime minster just literally loves eating onions.)
Yes, the media is reporting that today, Abbott met with officials from Onions Australia and proceeded to happily chomp down on the raw vegetable again, with Onions Australia chief executive Lechelle Earl explaining: "He went for the raw onion first but I did convince him to try them cooked and he tucked into that rather heartily."
This raises some serious questions, coming hard and fast on the heels of Abbott's world-infamous onion- eating antics in Tasmania, which is... WHY THE FUCK DOES ABBOTT'S ADVISERS KEEP PUTTING ONIONS IN FRONT OF THE PRIME MINSTER? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO PROVE???
I mean, it is not, surely, part of the normal of a prime minister's weekly routine to have so many fucking onions put in front of them, tempting any freaking PM to chomp down repeatedly. What is the thinking here?
Is this another captain's call? With his advisers and cabinet colleagues begging him, "Please Tony, today.... today go visit an *actual* apple farm and try eating something *normal* as though you are an actual *normal* human being and not a bizarre reptilian alien monster that must be confirming all those wacko conspiracy theorists who believe David Icke's mad claims that we are governed by a secret race of Lizard People... coz Tony... you look like a Lizard Man... hell I am starting to believe David Icke... ah... I mean.... Of *course* I don't... please don't kill me, Lizard Overlord!"
Jesus Fuck well all there is for it is to play The Dubliners version of "Leaving of Liverpool" featuring the incomparible Luke Kelly.... just because. Justfucking because. Just fucking because we have to remind ourselves there is SOME good in the godforsaken world and actualy, our species has, at one time, actually achieved something of SOME FUCKING WORTH THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE ONIONS!!!